English c.v.

Just been asked by a recruiter for my c.v. in German.

I replied that it's only in English and that my advantage in Germany is that I am a native English speaker. (I didn't mention that it would be too tedious to write it in German.)

Ironically the above correspondence was carried out in German.

What a surprise

I've just received an email from an organisation in the startup scene asking for a writer.

And I've just applied.

Ja

This afternoon I had a telephone interview in German for a job where the only required language was English.

Two and a bit

This week was a slight improvement as I managed two and a bit applications.

I say "a bit" because one of the job adverts (jobverts? - yeah, jobverts) I saw was really just trawling for their database.

One

After the week before's mega six applications I expected something good last week.

Obviously I was wrong and only managed to squeeze out one application. And that was on the Sunday when the week started.

Also, rather discouragingly, I received a lot of rejections from the previous weeks.

On the good side, however, I did get the final certificate (my grandfather's death certificate) needed to submit that I have Irish ancestry. The plan is that after the UK has committed economic suicide Brexited I can remain unemployed/amazingly successful as an entrepreneur in Munich.

Six

Although I haven't been posting much recently I have slightly increased my job searching efforts.

But my focus is on freelance or fixed assignments.

And I am in Germany and this is the holiday season.

Nevertheless this week I managed to apply for six jobs.

Six!

Maybe you want a German copywriter.

For the last few days a very good jobs site has been advertising for a German national to be a interim project manager for a German military procurement project. In Germany.

But they advertise in English.

I didn't apply.

Actually quick

I haven't been updating this blog much - s o r rey - so an update is appropriate.

Yesterday I had an interview for a freelance PM position. The recruitment agent, who accompanied me into the meeting because that's how it rolls in Germany, told me she hoped to have news by the evening or early this morning.

Yeah right. Companies, especially big ones, just aren't that quick. Especially in Germany.

Ummm. Actually in this case they were. I received an email from the agent yesterday evening and start on Tuesday.

Ugh

Yesterday I had a face to face interview. It went ok, probably quite well except that:

1. As I was about to leave my flat, wearing my fancy tailor made City suit, brogues and silk tie, a migraine started. I rarely get migraines and when I do the symptoms are a problem reading things and a slight wooziness. So I wasn't too affected by it.
2. When I reached the company's reception I was going to meet the recruitment consultant who would accompany me into the interview (they do this here in Germany). There was a young lady sitting in reception. I said her name and we shook hands. And as per our earlier phone calls we spoke English. But I didn't feel certain and double checked her name. Turns out she wasn't my recruitment consultant. She did rather nicely say that after that whoever she was going to meet would be a disappointment.
3. Then the real recruitment consultant turned up. It was definitely her. She had received a message that my interviewer would be a few minutes late. And after a few minutes a man turned up. We shook hands and I gave my name. He then started to take us to the cafeteria as he felt it would be a more convenient place for the discussion. Halfway there he took out his business cards and gave them to us. I looked at the name on it and realised he wasn't the person we were due to meet. I did jokingly ask him if he was recruiting. We went back to reception and eventually the correct interviewer turned up.

It's 2017

And yet the company wanted only a telephone interview. They called me a few minutes before I boarded a plane and arranged an interview next week. As I will be away they said it would be by telephone. I've been using video calls professionally and personally for about ten years so I naturally suggested a Skype video call. But they just wanted a POTS* call.

I guess it's that sort of company even though it is in the IT business.

Other companies - not many to be honest - take as granted that the first, non-site interview will be by video.

 (*Plain Old Telephone System)

maybe it did give an edge

I wrote on Friday about a call from an agency which exercised my mobile skills, sending messages from my cell phone after downloading files from OneDrive and attaching them. Whilst sitting in a cafe.

They phoned back today and arranged a face to face interview at the end of this week.

It's 2017

Back around the early 90s I was looking for a change of employer.

To give myself an edge I wanted a mobile phone so that I would be more contactable. In those days most mobiles were analogue and therefore crap. I waited until the first GSM phones came out choosing Orange as the provider. They were innovative in marketing and provided great service.

I can't remember if it helped or not.

Anyway at lunchtime today I was contacted by an agency on my smartphone. I was at a restaurant with a friend so didn't answer. They sent me an email and after the meal I was able to reply, using the smartphone and attaching my c.v. They later called me back and asked me to send some references (in Germany these are given to those leaving employers). From my phone I was able to go to my OneDrive and attach them to an email whilst sitting in a cafe.

And, of course, this was all synchronised with my PC and MacBook at home.

Let's see if this makes a difference.

Oh, and once I got home another agency called about another job.

Still looking ...

... but my unemployment benefit has ended and I have too much savings to qualify for the next phase of benefit.

Ideally I would like my business to kick off but it is moving very slowly.

Also I think a job, especially freelance, will help shake things up in my life and actually help me develop the business.

Today I applied for one job.

... but ultimately disappointing

Although last week I went to an interview in Frankfurt where I wasn't interviewed in a god-damn ice cream parlour today I was called by the agency who told me that they had decided to go internal.

Hmmm, that was not a cheap journey to Frankfurt and is a bit annoying as basically they had already decided.

A different challenge

Yesterday I had an interview for a freelance job in Munich.

Normally I find myself answering questions by explaining that I have the experience in the areas required but not necessarily to the same size.

This time it turns out that their requirements were smaller and less complex than I am used to.

Call from Frankfurt

From the agency who arranged the interview on Thursday.

After quick pleasantries the caller came to the point - he had called me by accident.

Improvement

Several years ago I went to Frankfurt for an interview which - despite being told otherwise - ended up being in an ice cream parlour.

Today I went there for an interview for a freelance IT management job and it was in a god-damn actual office.

Bodes well.

Nice recommendation

Last weekend I was going, on public transport, to meet up with a drinking club with a running problem.

On the platform I bumped into an old friend who was going there.

Sometime during the journey or afterwards I must have mentioned that maybe I could do something in her company. I kinda forgot because, you know, that drinking thing.

Anyway she didn't forget and reminded me on Monday. She then sent a very nice recommendation to her recruiters which I have transposed here:

"Hi,

I have referred my long-time friend The Job Hunter with No Name for (among others possible positions) the Job I could do with my eyes closed if I really liked a challenge job located here: [link to her company's career site] and expect that he will apply for this position directly. 

I have known TJHWNN for over 10 years as a social friend and can attest to his honesty, integrity and reliability. He’s an exceptionally bright guy, very witty and a natural leader. I am certain he would be a good fit for her employer and hope you agree. J

Best regards,

A clearly very deluded friend"

Wow. 

I applied. One of five applications this week.

Gulped

If you are in Germany (or other DACH countries) looking for a job you should, in my experience, use Gulp.de

Today I saw an interesting and suitable job and set out applying. This first involved updating my gulp profile on the site.

Once I had done that I went back to finding the job and just cannot find it.

New competition

Who has the most complicated, time-wasting online application process?

It's a heavy field  and seems to be getting worse every day.

And today I had to go through a tortuous site and upon hitting apply was then, and only then, told that the job had been filled.

Suddenly ...

Rather paradoxically the job market in Germany increases in activity just before the start of the New Year. Which is not convenient as people here tend to be on holiday. This applies to the recruiters and those applying.

In my case I will be in England although I am still reachable. Even first interviews, near me in Munich, tend to be by phone.

Today I applied for three jobs.

Let's talk

Although I live in quite a conservative area of Europe sometimes ... well sometimes I can't be as formal as usual.

This morning I applied for a job with a fintech company. They wanted to know my salary requirements so I wrote in the email:

"... My desired salary is between [lots of money] and [lots more money] but let's talk."

Let's see how this comes across.

Updated

I've finally updated my c.v. to reflect that I have founded a startup.

It was a balance between:

• showing that I have been busy and productive this past year
• not giving the impression that I'm focussed on the startup and do not want to work for anyone else.

Actually disappointed

Although I've been looking for a job I have been rather relaxed about it as I expect my business to kick off and make me really rich.

One day.

Anyway today I received a negative response from the "sexy" job where I was interviewed and I felt a bit peeved.

Post-election blues

Although I am not American I have, and have had, close connections with the US.

And last week I attended an election party at a Wirthaus.

I left after 5am and after six beers. I needed them.

Even if I was an American I wouldn't be a Democrat although I also wouldn't be a Republican. Nevertheless I was saddened at the outcome for several reasons:

• Americans I care for (and have cared for) will be deeply upset and, especially for the women, in quite a worrying place.
• I can't see this working out from an economic perspective which ultimately means a global economic perspective.
• It means I can't go back to the US, even on visits. 

I am clearly not a Muslim - as I am typing this I have a glass of Cabernet Sauvignon to hand - but one of my ancestors was a "just about" Muslim and my name and hue could arouse suspicions.

I'm not worried about being stopped at immigration - that's happened before and is no biggie. It's more that there are so many people there who are fine with their president being a racist and fascist.

From a purely physical safety perspective I would no longer feel safe there.

Which hinders my global career. Even as a global PM I would not have gone to the more intensely Islamic countries - explaining why I am not, nor have ever been a Muslim, may have been somewhat awkward and could have gone terribly wrong (for people who do not understand English understatement google "decapitation").

I don't want to explain this to a bunch newly emboldened American thugs (I call them Americunts) whilst they are swinging at me or worse.

By the way I do know that many, maybe most, American didn't vote for the orange fascist. I also appreciate that not all those who voted for Trump would like to be called racists - I guess they would be happy being called racism-appeasers (and feel free to replace racist with misogynist - it's just that my pussy can'r be grabbed as I don't have one but I have a brownish face which can be punched or shot at).

Yeah, and I know that I have been to totalitarian and women-negative countries on business so it's not a purely principled boycott but one focussed on physical safety.

So, thanks Donny-boy and your fellow rascism-appeasers, you will no longer benefit from my awesome project management and IT management skills, let alone my dry humour and self-deprecation. Unless you continue to read this blog. Which you should.

Sexy

At yesterday's interview I had to give a presentation about the values I would bring to the role of head of IT.

I was told I had five minutes but at the actual meeting I was given ten. Which meant I could speak a bit slower.

The interview as with four people. Afterwards the HR rep apologised for the tough questions. I told her she should see me interview people.

One question asked was why did I want to work for them (a large scientific intergovernmental organisation).

I  immediately confessed that I apply for any job suitable but that this job also offered things I like doing (cultural issues, process development etc.) and also that the thing they did was ... well ... sexy.

They laughed - fortunately - it would only be sexy to scientists and engineers.

Interim

A few days ago I was contacted by an interim agency for an interim job - but not as a manager. Just an interim support technician.

Basically it was a part time job, not what I think of as interim.

I replied today (as for the last few days I was preparing for an interview for a great job (for which I was interviewed yesterday).

Hours

I've been corresponding with a recruitment agent about a job I won't get (because it is for a Scrum Master - a project method I loathe because it is insufficiently agile).

After sending some certificates - as requested - she called me and asked to confirm my salary requirements (she had been told them by a colleague of hers).

I confirmed and then she said "but this job I only for 35 hours per week, your last job was probably 40 hours" (this was all in German).

I explained that normally at my level I am working at least 50 hours per week whatever the contract says. Even in Germany - leadership roles can opt out of working time restrictions.

She'll get back to me.

Tempting

Looking through LinkedIn I just saw an interesting interim management job. Six months split between Munich (30%) and ... Bagdad.

OK, maybe I won't apply.

Wondering (the Brexit post)

Last Thursday a lot of people in the UK really didn't think things through.

As a result my future, on the face of it, looks a bit uncertain in Munich and I can see potential employers being a bit reluctant to recruit me.

I am, nevertheless, relaxed about this because:

• if my startup kicks off then I will be my employer
• I've been here for 10 years so I probably qualify for permenant residency (currently EU citizens have unrestricted rights to live in member countries and don't need permenant residency status)
• even if the UK does leave the EU it is possible that there will be a free-movement of people arrangement (like with Norway and Switzerland)
• my grandfather was Irish so I am eligible for Irish citizenship and a passport - I am, leisurely, going through the motions of gathering the details required.
• that's, kinda, how I roll.

A lot of people in the expat community here are flapping about all this, however I see opportunity:A Brexit means there will be less supply of native English speakers in Europe. So those able to stay will be in more demand. Anyway, here's some snippets about this Brexit-Sthing I wrote elsewhere:

*It's utter piffle that the government refuses to reject the voice of the people regarding this EU-thing. Only in March this year they completely ignored the people's overwhelming choice of name for a new research vessel - Boaty McBoatface - even though they had asked the public.

*Let me get this right: France becomes fifth largest economy in the world, overnight, without any effort. And one of the key people in the UK who made this possible has a French name.

*My thanks to ... for reminding me that the referendum was a kind of IQ test for the UK. Humph. Here's the irony: some people benefit from times of change. They tend to be positive, flexible and dynamic individuals with a broad outlook. The ones who will be shafted are (generalising a lot here) the ones who voted to leave.

*There's an old saying in the London banking world, something like: "The moment a banker says his bank is sound, all confidence is lost" - perhaps someone should have told Carney (Governor of the Bank of England) this. [this was the day after the vote, the pound was crashing and Carney made a "calming" announcement that he had a quarter of a trillion pounds available for liquidity - how reassuring]

*Because of the economic catastrophe that's just been voted for, a lot of UK based people will need to get off their fat, lazy arses and do some real hard work from now on. Just as well they will be losing protection of the European Working Time Directive.

*Negotiators say "If you can't walk away then you can't negotiate". But the UK has now declared it's going to walk away and will now try to negotiate.

*There's a rumour that quite a few hedge funds and financial institutions are getting ready to short Sterling - and this includes the Bank of England. [this was the day before the vote and the joke was that even the BoE had no confidence in the pound and was joining the hedge funds - I'm looking at you George Soros - in taking advantage of its imminent collapse. Actually, they may well have done a bit of this.]

*I know you're all wondering about my thoughts regarding the anti-immigration/leave votey thing in the UK. So here goes:
1. a leave vote should be good for me because a) it means there will be less supply of native English speakers in the EU (assuming I can stay here which is most likely) and b) chaos has opportunity for those who look
2. but it will be terrible for the UK economy (and probably everyone else's) for a while - obviously - perhaps for a very long time.
3. If the leave-monkeys say they will spend another 100m pounds per week on the NHS - a very good thing except for the crash of sterling after a brexit vote - then that will mean more immigrants.

I know you're all wondering about my thoughts regarding the anti-immigration/leave votey thing in the UK. So here goes:

There are probably some other issues worth considering but I am more concerned with getting my damn apps working on iOS (which will be priced in euros, dollars and any other stable currency).

*Oh and to quote Alan Price's England My England: "We're a land that's built on coal/With oil beneath the sea/We struggle to get by/So we join the EEC" (the EEC became the EU)

Almost oops

Two interviews today.

One at 11am by phone, then one at 3pm 1pm face to face.

I had agreed to both because the second one was in a suburb which was, I thought, close to the city centre.

A day or so after agreeing I looked at the map and found that the suburb was at the end of the S-bahn line.

Fortunately the telephone interview ended after 30 minutes so that gave me time to eat a banana and go out to the second one.

The first one was in English, the second in German. I explained that I can't maintain my German for over an hour and the interviewer said he'd consider it - his client is a very traditional German company.

Almost late

Despite leaving for a short trip to an interview, I forgot that not all S-bahns go straight through the city and the one that I was on suddenly veered south.

I got off and walked to the interview getting there bang on time.

The interviewer, of course, was late by about five minutes - not unusual in Germany.

He was friendly enough although he explained the rather strange structure of the company - it was though, a recruitment company and I thought I had applied for a particular position with a certain (named) company. So I wondered why I needed to be bothered by a recruitment agency's structure.

Although I had applied to an English man, in English as requested this interview was in Foreign so I may have missed a few things.

Anyway it turned out to be a non-specific interview and went on for about an hour. In Foreign. Quite exhausting.

Online jobs fair

Just now I logged into an online jobs fair.

I had tried to complete my registration last night but there was a glitch: either in their system or in me.

Anyway today it all went smoothly and I was able to peruse the fair. It was a website which rather accurately mimicked the layout of a real jobs fair.

Rather good.

The only thing was I couldn't find any suitable jobs not least as it was in German - ein IT Jobmesse run by ubivent.com who do these virtual events.

Just

The local unemployment agency obliges me to apply for one to three jobs per week.

Right now this seems to be getting a bit harder. This morning I went through 13 pages of job but could apply to none (except the ones to which I had already applied a week or so ago).

Having just closed down the web site I received an email from an agency with an urgent requirement for someone in the PMO field - which I guess I could do.

It's not exactly down my street - in fact it is in a part of Germany I haven't heard of - and it is not exactly what I do - but often I get appropriate jobs from the initial contact anyway - but it still counts as an applications.

Even more German, for a while

The manager who interviewed me over the telephone in German called me this morning, before 9am I think.

He asked me if we could have another interview at 8.30pm today. I was actually going to attend a social event but I agreed to this instead and cancelled my attendance at the other one.

My German really isn't very good and it turned out it was to meet over dinner at a rather good Wirthaus not too far away.

Another manager came along and we talked in German for about half an hour or more. The other manager had some rather nuanced question so we had to speak in English then - and after that there was no going back.

Then it got to my income requirements and it becomes quite clear that they couldn't afford me. There were also some other mismatches - although I know how to I don't tend to do the number crunching, detailed planning sides of projects.

So that concluded that although it was a very pleasant conversation as well as being professional and I did mention that I know someone who may be better suited. I will ping them on LinkedIn now.

Warum?

Yesterday evening I had an interview with a company whose head of recruitment I had met at an IT day run by the local unemployment office.

The interview went well, I think, but it was all in German.

For an hour.

I actually pointed out - in case they hadn't noticed - that my German is a bit poor (this is more or less verbatim) and they replied that they knew I had made quite a few errors (keine Scheisse Sherlock) but that it wasn't a biggie ("keine grosse Sache").

They asked for a summary of my projects which I sent them this morning. It will probably show that my main project skills and experience are mainly in office infrastructure relocation.

Fit

This morning, alarming close to lunchtime, I had a telephone interview with a VP from the company who is trying to recruit me.

It was a very good interview except for one little thing which will become apparent.

After being asked quite a few questions he asked me if I had any questions. I didn't but I voiced my two main concerns:

Concern no. 1 - I don't have German. Apparently his view was different and that German requirement was in no way required. Hmmm, not sure about that

Concern no. 2 - cultural fit. He laughed and said he noticed that but felt that it would be ok. Ummm, you noticed it, the VP of HR and another manager noticed it, and I noticed it sufficiently to raise it at an interview.

I think there might be a cultural mismatch.

I should have another conference call with another VP soon. Let's see but I really don't think it would be a good idea - for them or for me - to take this as a permanent position.

Strange

The company where I interviewed but felt there was no chance because:

• my German skills are inadequate
• I don't see - and they don't see either - a cultural fit

Now want me to have conference calls with two VPs.

You can probably hear the alarm bells going off in my head.

Although I would rather create this world-class business (see other blog) in all truth this would be a terrible fit for the reasons given above.

I will talk with them because I am an open-minded panda - and I may agree to take a freelance or interim assignment but right now I think a permanent employment would be wrong for everyone.

In fact, I suspect some desperation on their part. Worse: Germany has a six month probationary period so they could hire me as a permanent as a gap-stop and then simply let me go. Some businesses do that.

Fuck that shit.

Fit

When I interview people I have - and tell the candidates - three to five criteria.

• Can they do the job, that is, do they have the technical competence?
• Will they fit into the team?
• (Will they fit into the global team when I have a global team?)
• Will they fit into the overall corporate culture?
• Can they help the team or overall business grow and develop (depending upon point in the business cycle)?

A couple of weeks ago I had a telephone interview with a manager in the US for a project management role here in Munich.

Today I went for an interview in this local office.

It was a good interview for several reasons:

• they had no doubt I could do the project management role
• we shared a concern about my lack in German (I reached a good occupational level but have never had the opportunity to use it throughout the business day). I would be required to talk frequently with the works council (non-Germans feel free to shout "socialism is evil" while I live in one of the best and most affluent cities in the world) which would require very good levels of German.
• the pleasant but astute HR VP spotted that I get bored easily and was concerned about that.

Actually I've have had several jobs lasting three years or more but in their company people stay for much longer - even though three years is considered a long time in IT.

The other thing I detected is that the role I was applying for would be pure project management. "Do how we do things".

I tend to establish "how we do things" in companies - either formally or informally. 

Turns out I was the first interviewee and I strongly doubt they would bet back to me with anything positive. Which would be just fine. As I've written before, when a company rejects you, they are always right, though not necessarily for the right reasons.

A morning at the fair

A job hunting fair organised for IT bods by the Munich unemployment office.

I've been to job fairs in the UK but this was much better.

Being an organised panda I had shortlisted the companies I thought were appropriate - about 11 - and was  in and out within two hours.

For most of the companies I visited it was obvious that my German is a bit on the crap side. One lady, early on, however, said that I had good German but probably better English. I suggested she waited 20 minutes to hear what my German was like when I started getting tired (and fed up of the lingo).

Oh, and by the way, I have been feeling quite ill.

Good, great but ...

After talking with the head of the college on Sunday I spent the rest of the day, and yesterday morning, looking through notes and thinking about how I could lecture in PM.

I actually became excited about it - it could be a good part-time activity while I develop this business (see other blog).

Then, yesterday afternoon, I trundled over to meet the two heads of the college. All went well. There are only three hours of lectures a week and ... there's no pay for preparation work etc. Which means I would only be paid for three hours a week. Over 13 weeks.

Just not economically viable - I get more unemployment benefit. We all had a little brainstorming session to see if there was a way around this. So far, we are bureaucratically snookered.

Urgent

Actually, over the last few weeks I have been applying to jobs and even having telephone interviews.

Then yesterday (Saturday) I was going through my emails and noticed one from the president of the local AGBC.

It was a forward from a manager of a business school who is looking, urgently, for a lecturer in project management.

I sent off a quick reply outlining my interest and including my c.v.

It tends to show that email is becoming less and less useful as it is too noisy.

Short and nice

That was a quick video interview: hi ... worried that you will be too expensive ... what sort of ball park are you looking for ... oh ok, never mind.

Just one

Today I applied for one job in Munich.

It was appropriate and in - even more appropriately - was in English.

They asked for very good German skills but we'll see.

German perhaps

This morning I had a meeting with a consultant (that's what they're called now) from the German unemployment office.

She was very pleasant and appreciative on what I've been doing.

But she only spoke in high speed, beaureaucratic German - or rather a dialect of German (I can only cope in standard German, Hochdeutsch).

I left with lots of forms and leaflets, all in German, with the daunting task of understanding them.

I reckon even a native German speaker would have problems.

More German malarky

Last week the German unemployment office sent me an electronic message which mainly asked for my c.v. in GERMAN (their caps, although they wrote the message in German).

German c.v.s tend to be longer than Anglo-Saxon ones but in this case it is shorter.

Bit of a bite

Contacted on Xing (the German version of LinkedIn) by a recruiter for what turned out to be a job in Düsseldorf.

We spoke in German about a probable interview until I started to say - in German - that obviously my English was better.

The recruiter immediately switched to English and told me that the international company really needs someone with very good German - even though the job details were in English.

I explained that my German is rusty as I live in Munich - a land which only pretends badly not to speak English.

At least it's a bite.

Although ...

... I have better things to do than take another job (like starting my own business) today I send my c.v. to an agency who contact me about a freelance job in Luxembourg.

Schadengefreut

... for my soon to be former employer (they still pay me to the end of November but I am released and am under no obligation to them).

Yesterday I got a last minute invitation to a former colleague's birthday party. Good food (he barbecued in the rain), drink and company.

He's leaving the company (actually resigned before I did) and has now got a good new job (he resigned without first finding a new employer). Another former colleague was also there and he has resigned, having secured a good position with a well known e-commerce firm.

At the party I heard of other people who have left, or will soon leave, including the last CEO who had been there for less than two years.

Oh, and they lost most of the business with a major client.

The company really does seem to be following TJHWNN's First Law: you make me redundant and your company will soon cease to exist.

More malarky in German

Although I am paid to the end of November the German unemployment office wanted to see me and review my c.v.

Yesterday I updated it, a little bit, and today took it to the office.

It is in English. My selling point in Germany is that I am a native English speaker, there is no point writing it in German, plus it would be much longer.

The person I met there was very pleasant and gave me information (including about startup assistance) and want an update by the end of next month.

She also told me that my German was good and was surprised to hear that I seldom use the language, either professionally or in my private life.

it's not all startup activity

I've been mainly working on building this new business since I left my company (who are still paying me for a couple of months).

I put in a light hearted post in LinkedIn which attracted quite a few likes (including one from the co-founder of the Indian-part of the company I've just left).

And today a former VP in APAC asked me to send my c.v. to him.

I will, even though I want to give this business a go. You never know. It may even result in me taking an interim assignment.

But not enough German

Despite my apparent skills in German filling in a form - an online form - about your work details is a tedium.

And some entries were filled in my the employment agency and were just wrong and couldn't be corrected.

More uses of German ... keeping the economy afloat

Although I have a Mac Mini (or is it a Mini Mac?) at home I like to have a laptop to hand.

Having yesterday returned my Surface Pro to work I decided I needed to have my own portable device so today I went and bought .... a Surface Pro 3.

Seriously, I need it.

Although superb devices these aren't the cheapest laptops and at the checkout I found that it exceeded my bank card limit (in Germany you can often make purchases with bank cards which immediately debit your account but being a risk-adverse society the credit limit is quite low).

So I had to cross town to go to my bank, draw out the money then go back to the shop to pick up the device.

And all this: going through the decision making and purchase in the shop, then talking to the bank clerk, was done in my third language*.




*English is my first language. I don't actually have a second language.

Useful after all

A few years ago I was forced persuaded by the unemployment office to go on an occupational German language course (B2) which I actually passed rather well.

I then found myself using those acquired but now rusty skills this morning when I went and registered again at the office.

The agent I was talking to was rather complimentary about my German.

Just posted

my first ever LinkedIn post.

It's an idea that went through my mind yesterday about an interesting, or off-beat, way of advertising the fact that I am available.

Let's see how it works.

Strange

Left work.

Not burdened by a urgent need to get another job.

Almost feeling numb.

Went to an Internations Dinner thing. Had a few drinks to unwind but nothing crazy.

Does anyone need an infrastructure manager?

That's it.

Had to wrap things up a bit earlier than I thought so I could go and get my passport from the Indian visa service. They still hadn't processed it and I need it as ID so I can go to the unemployment office tomorrow (which I am obliged to do).

Said goodbye to lots of people and left by 3pm.

De-bounced

I couldn't take the embarrassment.

Yesterday our CEO, fresh back from a three-week holiday, bounced into our office all excited about the new customers we've won and how it would be an exciting time for us all.

I gently asked to have a quick word and, in his office which is nearby, told him that I was leaving on Tuesday. I also gave the reason.

He was a little bit surprised but took it well and wished me luck.

Drafting

Things are happening at work and although I am updating this blog I'm not really - I'm saving them as drafts and will publish them later when the dust has settled.

Meanwhile I will post other stuff.

It really does ...

... get worse every day.

More later.

Not sure this is normal

Earlier in the week one of my managers started saying that they found it hard going into work because of the behaviour of our new chief. I tried to calm them down. Later, they were a bit more calmer when they understood that everyone was having problems with this person.

Then, near the end of Friday working day - after beer o'clock - another of my managers asked to see me. They had been approached by HR who wanted a statement about the situation in which they and others have been placed by our wonderful new chief. Seems there's a growing mutiny in the ranks.

The manager was not sure what to do and pointed out that I have much more experience. True but I have never experienced anything like this.

The work we do is rather complicated and requires us to deal with global processes and latest technologies. But instead we are trying to deal with psychological pathologies.

I'll expand on this:  technical stuff is relatively straightforward. So are processes. They are things one engineers.

It's the people aspect where things go wrong - on a good day with the wind in the right direction.

The situation we're in now is, however, in another league.

Daily

As a colleague said to me today: everyday it gets worse.

It certainly did for me.

Is it a bad sign ...

... when a HR manager at work discretely gives you the name of a good recruitment agency?

Even Accenture ...

... is getting rid of annual appraisals.

Another week at work

On Thursday I flew to Berlin and then on to Helsinki.

I landed at Vantaa's terminal 1 and was picked up by friends.

Yesterday I flew from Vantaa's terminal 2 to Vienna and then back to Munich. Both Vantaa Terminal 2 and the terminal in Vienna were new and very impressive.

Although this was a private trip it reminded me of my days, just a few years ago, when I was a global project manager flying inter-continental and intra-continental almost every two weeks.

This upcoming week, however, I will go to the office (near to a whore house - not joking, they are legal in Germany) and be treated like a copulating idiot.

Something has to change.

Another contact

I was looking forward to my call yesterday morning with a headhunter.

At first she started off in German and I thought I was doing pretty well but she then asked if it would be easier if we spoke in English.

I conceded that being English, it would be easier for me.

She told me the name of the company for whom she was recruiting and that more or less killed the discussion.

I had worked with their English branch many years ago. When I told my boss there that I had finally resigned (they all knew I was unhappy there) he called me a "bastard".

Of course companies change over time and, in any case, this branch is in Germany. But a few months ago I bumped into someone who my company had had to sack over a year ago. And he was now working there.

The headhunter and I nevertheless ended the conversation very pleasantly.

Contact

I made contact with the contact from LinkedIn and spoke with her about the position for which she was recruiting.

Although we had a nice, professional chat it was clear that I didn't have the experience in large, global consolidations programmes that she required - although she wondered who would.

The salary they were envisioning was €100k above what I am currently earning. Although that would be a rather nice amount, and I could actually do the work required, her customer wasn't the sort that could be convinced. Fair enough.

But it was good talking with her and, you never know, it may lead to something. It has done so in the past.

Quiet day

Last week I went to a meetup event and talked to a couple of people about using an IT Ronin team.

I got a few suggestions which I looked at over the weekend.

Also, over the weekend I correspondent to a couple of bites, one from Xing and one from Linkedin - agencies had seen my c.v. and wanted to contact me.

The Xing one was embarrassing as I hadn't seen the message before. Although I like Xing sometimes I miss messages.

Yesterday evening I suddenly started to feel ill and took today off work.

I might go in tomorrow where I reckon there is a 50:50 chance I will be told that my job is coming to an end (as they are outsourcing). They have to do it by tomorrow because the notice period is two months plus the start of the month. Plus if they don't do it tomorrow then I will be compensated for all 30 days of holiday I get for the year (German employment law). 

We'll see.

It's a bit cloudy

The company to whom we will most likely outsource our IT infrastructure services (of which I currently the head) were very surprised to hear that Amazon Web Services was a cloud provider.

One of my colleagues advised them that AWS are the largest cloud hosting provider in the world.

We can't get it out of their heads that there is more to public cloud offering than server virtualisation.

Yesterday a senior recruitment company contacted me on LinkedIn to see if I was interested in working for a major company based in Munich.

Yes.

IT Samurai to IT Ronin

In Munich there's a great team of IT-Samurai who have been betrayed by their ailing company and will soon be left to wander the business landscape as Ronin, looking for a new company to serve.

Though highly skilled individuals they are even more effective as a team - it would be a pity for this to be broken up and scattered by the wind.

But how to find a company that needs such a team in one go?

A bad day

Last night I didn't sleep very well.

This morning I sent messages to a few contacts on LinkedIn.

My help-desk manager later at work told me that I had looked glum all day.

This late afternoon I had to have a meeting with my teams (which includes the help desk manager) and tell them that some or even all of them would be outsourced.

Not my idea -  obviously.

I hope I handed it well, or at least not too badly.

I left work relatively early but I couldn't do anything useful (like job hunt) in the evening.

For some background, we have spent ages insourcing and then developing the teams beyond the storming stage. Then we get a new CITO who has the big fat idea of outsourcing. Just like that.

Big sigh

This week I didn't apply for any jobs.

As I am still employed I want to find a great, inspiring company and then apply to work there, rather than just find a job.

So, I am racking my brain to think of potential companies.

There are quite a few in Munich but some of them require good German (and I had good German until I joined a German company which only spoke English).

I have to remind myself that I have found five jobs here which did not require any German. And many other non-German speakers have found work here.

How to demotivate your senior managers

Be:

• rude and insulting
• openly condescending

Don't:

• let them explain or question, cut them off if necessary
• listen or show them any respect

Do:

• come up with a strategy which is based on the obvious

But:

• do not be surprised when they tell HR that they have decided to leave the company specifically because of you

Two weeks ago I went to a startup seminar. One of the speakers co-founded a private company which eventually designed and built a rocket which docked with the ISS.

It rubbed in that I can do better things than work for a company where I am suddenly treated like a fucking idiot.

Fortunately the HR head did listen and treated me with respect. As did a (very senior) manager whose advice I asked beforehand. I think I handled it well: I told them I am going to find another job, why this has happened (using the above bullet points) but assured them that I would be as supportive as ever. There was, of course, the caveat that I wouldn't be able to put in so many hours as usual as I need to spend time job hunting.

The truth

My new boss told me that often people leave because of their managers.

He is so not wrong.

That's it

I 

Have

Had 

Enough

More people are leaving.

The second colleague who left (see post below) also, it turns out, went to work with our old CITO.

But even more people are leaving. An alarmingly large number.

The current CITO has retired. Or maybe has been retired. (Note to c-level staff: if you think we are idiots then you are the idiots).

His replacement ... I don't want to write about his replacement.

But I'll write more later.

More hmmm

A few weeks' ago a fellow manager decided to leave. He's going to work with our old CITO.

Today I learnt that another colleague is leaving as well. Has had enough.

Hmmm

In a meeting today with a new c-level person who is rather clever. But not clever enough.

He let slip something which suggests jobs will be going east.

I like curry, but not that much.

This evening I went to a meeting of the American German Business Club - part of my marketing mix when job hunting.

A long time

As it's a new year it means that I have been in this company for 2.5 years.

Doing the same role.

OK, the company has grown a lot, shrunk a bit, and then grown a lot again: basically when I joined it was 100 people strong, a year later it was 400 and now it is 500 strong. With a good global presence.

But, one way or another, I don't tend to stay in companies too long. The longest was 3.5 years.

So, by July I should have been in the company for three years. Unless ...

Praise from boss

There's always some people who need to job hunt. In the sense of needing to be put in a position of looking for another job.

But putting them in that situation can be difficult, very difficult, especially with German employee protection laws which kick in after six months. And there are people who behave well right until they pass this probationary period.

So, here's my suggestion to line managers who need to correct this situation.

Find a fellow manager in another company. That manager agrees to head hunt (easy as you have given their name and contact details) and recruit the problem employee. They make a great offer and take on your problem.

Then, a bit later, certainly before the probationary period is over, they sack them. No reason needs to be given.

You may be obliged to reciprocate.

Reasonable solution to a modern problem?

I described this to my boss who called it "dastardly" ... approvingly I think.

Massive failure

I went to a meetup.com - err - meetup where there were a couple of talks.

One about DevOps and one about software engineering.

They were interesting but would have been more interesting if they were in a language with which I was more familiar - namely English, rather than German.

I followed as best I could but didn't ask any questions.

Although, one question I should have asked was "where is the bottle opener?".

As well as food there was beer - Munich's finest: Augusteiner.

But no bottle opener.

Someone sitting next to me saw me pathetically attack the bottle with a key. He took pity and offered a small bottle opener he had with him.

I now know where I have been going wrong in my life and will get one myself soon.

Another day another grown-up dinner

Although I didn't receive any promotions today I did go to an "executive dinner" from a major supplier.

Does that make me an executive?

Hmmm.

Anyhoo, like the last grown up dinner it was nice.

Unusual

Normally I have to explain what my company does.

This cannot be done in an elevator pitch fashion.

Then I explain that anyway I run their infrastructure.

On Wednesday I went to a business-type meeting organised by meetup.com.

And being cool/lame I took my Surface Pro to write notes.

Whilst eating the person on my left saw the company logo on the laptop, recognised it and told me he knew the company well, including my ex-VP, and had worked with its sister companies.

Then the girl on the right saw the company logo and told me she knew people in the IT department. In fact she gave off quite a few names.

I then talked to a third person who had never heard of us and needed the usual long-winded description of our business and then the short description of what I do.

Grown up

A couple of weeks ago I told a friend that I had had my first grown-up dinner.

"I thought we had grown-up dinners" said the mother of two and business woman. I shook my head.

What had happened was that my boss - VP of IT - had been invited to a security dinner at a very posh restaurant.

As I am nominally involved in security at work he asked the organiser, by email, if his Director of Infrastructure could attend.

So apparently I am now the director of infrastructure.

A few hours later the organiser replied that they would be delighted if his Director of IT came along.

So apparently I am now the director of IT. Two promotions in less than four hours. But no pay rise.

By the time we received this message I had little time to quickly go home and change into something less comfortable: trousers rather than jeans, a dress shirt (but no tie, this 2014) and a blazer.

Then went to Käfer (which means something if you know Munich).

Champagne, a private dining room and good wine and food - good Bavarian food (not a typo).

The conversation was very erudite and was moderated yet in a relaxed way. I tried to hold my own.

And unlike my normal dinners I kept a brake on the alcohol consumption. Well, a bit of a brake.

It was actually a very pleasant evening.

In a couple of weeks' time I will be going to another grown-up dinner from a cloud provider.

Good for the tummy, good for the ego and good for networking.

just a nibble

Recently I was talking to my boss about the general dissatisfaction at work. 

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So, as long as there is some hope, I told my boss, I am not looking for another job.

But - and I hope I didn't have to say this - I do get occasional calls.

Like the one I had today.

Although I couldn't talk when they called me - I was sitting next to my boss at the time - I later sent them my c.v.

an entry about moo

Great name for a card company:

"Nice cards Jobhunterwithnoname, where did you get them from?"

"Moo"

I reordered my cards today.

Made a slight change - my name is now in bold. Before - although people said it looked nice - my name was a bit hard to read.

an entry about job hunting

I responded to a comment in my last entry by replying on the writer's own blog - they were looking for advice about job hunting.

It is, of course, very hard to give advice across cultures but this is what I wrote:

"...I am sorry to read about your plight but I know it well as I once had two years' unemployment. Hopefully I am an example of things getting better.

Practical advice is difficult as I don't know the job market too well in your region but here goes:

- set yourself daily objectives, especially looking through online job boards
- set yourself weekly targets, for example mine was five applications per week (which was easier as I am in IT)
- but recognise that whatever target you set isn't always attainable - we all have bad luck weeks
- job hunting and applications should be harder than a full-time job: get up early, job hunt till late
- but take breaks. An hour for lunch and dinner. And take the weekends off.
- you must tailor your c.v. or resume and covering letter for every application you make
- these must be perfect. Read them out aloud (seriously, don't sub-vocalise, ALOUD). 
- use hidden tables for your c.v. so that everything lines up nicely
- yes your applications must be perfect but forgive yourself when you later realise you have made a mistake.
- also forgive yourself for the occasional lapses in discipline during your search (as long as they are occasional)
- the Internet and other distractions are only for rewards or needy breaks after several hours of hunting. Having said that you must have other interests so keep up your food blog (in your spare time).
- no later than a day after sending an application phone them. You must. Most people won't so you will stand out.
- you have good English - I'm not being patronising, it's not perfect but it is good (I have interviewed people from your region) - and that is a skill you can exploit. Target US and British companies and other multi-nationals (because they will operate in English).
- back to your c.v (resume): most people are careless with these. Make yours stand-out. Everything must be nicely lined up (with those hidden tables). The wording must be crisp. Use textual embellishments sparingly. Don't use this exercise as an excuse not to apply to jobs. It may take weeks of research (on ideas etc.) during which you must still send out applications with your existing - but improving - c.v.
- attend business talks, networking events, Toastmasters etc. They probably won't get you an interview but it will help you develop your self-presentation and keep you relaxed amongst others. Oh, and they can be fun too.
- if you can then get some business cards made. You never know into whom you might bump. But if you do meet someone it is essential that you get their card.
- get on LinkedIn. Post full details and a photograph. I got one job after being found on that site.
- GET ON LINKEDIN
- if you can, go for job interviews if only just to get the experience
- remember that it is easier to get a job if you already have a job so that job advert you don't like may be worth going for
- also remember that the first thing that changes in a job is the job description. Often on the first day. This has happened to me so often.
- your people, organisational, project and leadership skills - along with metric tonnes of hard work - will take you much further than any schooling or initial employment position.

And finally, the harder you work the luckier you get so job hunt hard and good luck!"

I hope it was useful.

new blog needed

Somewhere there must be a blog about losing jobs.

But in case there isn't, in my two teams so far:

• some people have been made redundant, or not retained if they come from a supplier
• another person has resigned
• and last week I told a freelancer to leave the office as he was misusing our equipment and network. He will not be coming back.

The last item was particularly annoying and probably involved two man-days of effort.

Look, at non-managerial levels it is pretty easy to keep your job. Here's my handy guide:

• rare exceptions aside get in on-time, don't leave early, don't take long lunches, don't hang outside smoking - if you do smoke: don't.
• do what you are asked and expected to do
• contribute to a pleasant professional environment (I know for some people with anxiety disorders - of whom I've known quite a few - this can be very difficult and I don't know what the answer, or rather possible answers are. I wish I did)

That's it: go in, do the job, keep things pleasant.

There really is no need to:

• spend more than a few minutes looking at the general internet, and that's only when you need a break
• misuse the company's equipment and network. At places where I've worked we've found masses of pirated videos, hard core porn and extreme porn on people's work hard disks. I would imagine that it is not pleasant to tell your wife you've been sacked, just before Christmas, because a human-animal sex video was found on your work computer.

Luck maybe

After a hard week at work I left the office early yesterday.

But that was so I could work from home whilst waiting for someone to read and change the water meter - because that is what they do in Munich.

As I was winding down from work my mobile rang. It was a London agency calling about a project management job in Munich.

I don't really do PM work any more (although I am assisting in setting up a methodology in my company) so I named a very high compensation I would want.

Apparently that was not a problem.

OK, I sent the agent my details.

Which is good because although the job spec in not entirely up my street anymore we should all by now know that job specs that agencies give are rarely related to reality.

Today I read this article on luck.

Rejections are always right

Something I've told myself and others:

"when someone rejects you from a job, they are always right to do so".

They may not be right for the right reasons, but they are still right.

It could be them, their company, or you and how you would fit in. They may be incompetent, even arseholes but they are right.

But unfortunately there is a corollary, "when someone offers you a job, they may not be right".

LinkedIn notification

If you are not in LinkedIn then you should be.

Stop reading this and join now.

Done it?

Right. Carry on reading.

And if you are on LinkedIn you really should promptly respond to agencies which contact you about possible jobs. Especially when you have directly benefited from this. And have mentioned this on your job hunting blog. Yes, that ultimate one. And really, you shouldn't wait two weeks before replying.

Understood?

Query

On Friday, rather fed up, I went to The Enemy (generic term for HR at any company) and asked them about my notice period.

Two months from the end of the current month.

As the cunning plan is to reduce my team from 11 (and really it should be 12) to five people, I see no way that this will work.

I have advised my new VP of IT with nice slides of what we can, or rather will struggle to, do. And what we won't be able to do at all.

Really what I should have done was create a slide with pictures of a horde of zombies and a nuclear explosion in the background. And have it titled "Best case scenario".

Not good week

Last Thursday my Internet access at home died.

I could, of course because it's 2014, use my phone for limited connection but it's not the same.

At work, we are all a bit down.

In fact last Wednesday I told my boss I wanted to take Friday off so I could have a long weekend. I've been working hard for a quite a few months dealing with unpleasant topics and needed a break.

It was short notice but he agreed, probably because he knew that otherwise I would go my doctor and he would unhesitatingly write me off two weeks - a lot of German doctors are like that.

And yesterday he - my boss and CITO - told everyone he had resigned and would leave in a couple of weeks.

Today is the start of the Easter long holiday.

Slowly ...

... coming to an unpleasant realisation.

My group, comprising two teams, has been halved.

Or will be in a couple of months' time.

So during this coming week I have to, with the team managers, work out how we provide a service.

I am not sure we can provide the service the company will require.

And although I may secure more headcount there is a risk that they may have to compensate in other areas. See where this is going?

Today I sent my c.v. to a recruitment consultant I've known for a while.

And I also updated Monster.

A few years ago a friend told me that simply updating Monster generated a lot of interest.

Let's see.

Not a good day

During the bits of the weekend when I wasn't running/drinking/eating or sleeping I updated my c.v.

It's now how I want it to look.

I also updated my details on LinkedIn, not because I am looking for another job, but it's better to be safe and follow the rule "don't leave home without a c.v.".

This morning, as expected, two of my staff were told they would lose their jobs. We're shutting down the offices (one in the Americas, one in APAC) where they work.

These two people are outstanding and it is sad to lose them. They were also sad.

Anyway, they will be with us for at least a couple of months.

When it comes to redundancies, or indeed other forms of termination, it is hard on both sides of the desk - although obviously much harder on the receiving end.

Meanwhile, the company is now much smaller but, when you discount the loss of our largest client, still in growth.

I am safe ... for now.

Weekend

Having installed OneNote on my Mac I haven't  used it in the slightest.

Still pleased it's there though.

This weekend I did, however, spend some time working on my c.v.

Living in Germany I've decided to include a photo. It took a while to put it into the c.v. it a pleasing way (lots of table manipulation).

I do, however, have to update the text as well.

Good news

Having talked with someone senior in the company I reckon my chances of being kept or staying at around 30%.

But a good 30%.

Yesterday I also heard that OneNote is now available on the Mac.

And this morning I downloaded it and got it working.

Deja vu all over again

More thoughts on what's happening.

I remember that I used to work for a small medium size company with one big client and a few little ones.

We lost the big client (which also went in-house), I was made redundant and the company no longer exists.

I'm using google-fu to see if there are any stats on companies that survive loss of their key client.

The panda is worried.

Sinking feeling

A shitty end to a shitty week.

Today we lost our COO - someone for whom I had a lot of respect.

Since I've joined it's been non-stop growth.

Now I've heard that instead of growing our infrastructure I may have to start reducing it.

The panda is sad.

It's time to remember ...

... I've been thinking about the situation at work.

Almost worrying.

But in times like these it's important to remember my favourite White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, and his wise words:

"never let a serious crisis go to waste".

Oh oh

Today our biggest client announced that they were terminating the contract with us.

This could be good for us in the long term.

But in the short term ... not so good.

On another note, my personal business cards arrived last week.

They are from moo.com (which I love telling people because of the funny name) and were cheap but good.

I hope I don't need them.