Short and nice

That was a quick video interview: hi ... worried that you will be too expensive ... what sort of ball park are you looking for ... oh ok, never mind.

Just one

Today I applied for one job in Munich.

It was appropriate and in - even more appropriately - was in English.

They asked for very good German skills but we'll see.

German perhaps

This morning I had a meeting with a consultant (that's what they're called now) from the German unemployment office.

She was very pleasant and appreciative on what I've been doing.

But she only spoke in high speed, beaureaucratic German - or rather a dialect of German (I can only cope in standard German, Hochdeutsch).

I left with lots of forms and leaflets, all in German, with the daunting task of understanding them.

I reckon even a native German speaker would have problems.

More German malarky

Last week the German unemployment office sent me an electronic message which mainly asked for my c.v. in GERMAN (their caps, although they wrote the message in German).

German c.v.s tend to be longer than Anglo-Saxon ones but in this case it is shorter.

Bit of a bite

Contacted on Xing (the German version of LinkedIn) by a recruiter for what turned out to be a job in Düsseldorf.

We spoke in German about a probable interview until I started to say - in German - that obviously my English was better.

The recruiter immediately switched to English and told me that the international company really needs someone with very good German - even though the job details were in English.

I explained that my German is rusty as I live in Munich - a land which only pretends badly not to speak English.

At least it's a bite.

Although ...

... I have better things to do than take another job (like starting my own business) today I send my c.v. to an agency who contact me about a freelance job in Luxembourg.

Schadengefreut

... for my soon to be former employer (they still pay me to the end of November but I am released and am under no obligation to them).

Yesterday I got a last minute invitation to a former colleague's birthday party. Good food (he barbecued in the rain), drink and company.

He's leaving the company (actually resigned before I did) and has now got a good new job (he resigned without first finding a new employer). Another former colleague was also there and he has resigned, having secured a good position with a well known e-commerce firm.

At the party I heard of other people who have left, or will soon leave, including the last CEO who had been there for less than two years.

Oh, and they lost most of the business with a major client.

The company really does seem to be following TJHWNN's First Law: you make me redundant and your company will soon cease to exist.

More malarky in German

Although I am paid to the end of November the German unemployment office wanted to see me and review my c.v.

Yesterday I updated it, a little bit, and today took it to the office.

It is in English. My selling point in Germany is that I am a native English speaker, there is no point writing it in German, plus it would be much longer.

The person I met there was very pleasant and gave me information (including about startup assistance) and want an update by the end of next month.

She also told me that my German was good and was surprised to hear that I seldom use the language, either professionally or in my private life.

it's not all startup activity

I've been mainly working on building this new business since I left my company (who are still paying me for a couple of months).

I put in a light hearted post in LinkedIn which attracted quite a few likes (including one from the co-founder of the Indian-part of the company I've just left).

And today a former VP in APAC asked me to send my c.v. to him.

I will, even though I want to give this business a go. You never know. It may even result in me taking an interim assignment.

But not enough German

Despite my apparent skills in German filling in a form - an online form - about your work details is a tedium.

And some entries were filled in my the employment agency and were just wrong and couldn't be corrected.

More uses of German ... keeping the economy afloat

Although I have a Mac Mini (or is it a Mini Mac?) at home I like to have a laptop to hand.

Having yesterday returned my Surface Pro to work I decided I needed to have my own portable device so today I went and bought .... a Surface Pro 3.

Seriously, I need it.

Although superb devices these aren't the cheapest laptops and at the checkout I found that it exceeded my bank card limit (in Germany you can often make purchases with bank cards which immediately debit your account but being a risk-adverse society the credit limit is quite low).

So I had to cross town to go to my bank, draw out the money then go back to the shop to pick up the device.

And all this: going through the decision making and purchase in the shop, then talking to the bank clerk, was done in my third language*.




*English is my first language. I don't actually have a second language.

Useful after all

A few years ago I was forced persuaded by the unemployment office to go on an occupational German language course (B2) which I actually passed rather well.

I then found myself using those acquired but now rusty skills this morning when I went and registered again at the office.

The agent I was talking to was rather complimentary about my German.

Just posted

my first ever LinkedIn post.

It's an idea that went through my mind yesterday about an interesting, or off-beat, way of advertising the fact that I am available.

Let's see how it works.

Strange

Left work.

Not burdened by a urgent need to get another job.

Almost feeling numb.

Went to an Internations Dinner thing. Had a few drinks to unwind but nothing crazy.

Does anyone need an infrastructure manager?

That's it.

Had to wrap things up a bit earlier than I thought so I could go and get my passport from the Indian visa service. They still hadn't processed it and I need it as ID so I can go to the unemployment office tomorrow (which I am obliged to do).

Said goodbye to lots of people and left by 3pm.

De-bounced

I couldn't take the embarrassment.

Yesterday our CEO, fresh back from a three-week holiday, bounced into our office all excited about the new customers we've won and how it would be an exciting time for us all.

I gently asked to have a quick word and, in his office which is nearby, told him that I was leaving on Tuesday. I also gave the reason.

He was a little bit surprised but took it well and wished me luck.

Drafting

Things are happening at work and although I am updating this blog I'm not really - I'm saving them as drafts and will publish them later when the dust has settled.

Meanwhile I will post other stuff.

It really does ...

... get worse every day.

More later.

Not sure this is normal

Earlier in the week one of my managers started saying that they found it hard going into work because of the behaviour of our new chief. I tried to calm them down. Later, they were a bit more calmer when they understood that everyone was having problems with this person.

Then, near the end of Friday working day - after beer o'clock - another of my managers asked to see me. They had been approached by HR who wanted a statement about the situation in which they and others have been placed by our wonderful new chief. Seems there's a growing mutiny in the ranks.

The manager was not sure what to do and pointed out that I have much more experience. True but I have never experienced anything like this.

The work we do is rather complicated and requires us to deal with global processes and latest technologies. But instead we are trying to deal with psychological pathologies.

I'll expand on this:  technical stuff is relatively straightforward. So are processes. They are things one engineers.

It's the people aspect where things go wrong - on a good day with the wind in the right direction.

The situation we're in now is, however, in another league.

Daily

As a colleague said to me today: everyday it gets worse.

It certainly did for me.

Is it a bad sign ...

... when a HR manager at work discretely gives you the name of a good recruitment agency?

Even Accenture ...

... is getting rid of annual appraisals.

Another week at work

On Thursday I flew to Berlin and then on to Helsinki.

I landed at Vantaa's terminal 1 and was picked up by friends.

Yesterday I flew from Vantaa's terminal 2 to Vienna and then back to Munich. Both Vantaa Terminal 2 and the terminal in Vienna were new and very impressive.

Although this was a private trip it reminded me of my days, just a few years ago, when I was a global project manager flying inter-continental and intra-continental almost every two weeks.

This upcoming week, however, I will go to the office (near to a whore house - not joking, they are legal in Germany) and be treated like a copulating idiot.

Something has to change.

Another contact

I was looking forward to my call yesterday morning with a headhunter.

At first she started off in German and I thought I was doing pretty well but she then asked if it would be easier if we spoke in English.

I conceded that being English, it would be easier for me.

She told me the name of the company for whom she was recruiting and that more or less killed the discussion.

I had worked with their English branch many years ago. When I told my boss there that I had finally resigned (they all knew I was unhappy there) he called me a "bastard".

Of course companies change over time and, in any case, this branch is in Germany. But a few months ago I bumped into someone who my company had had to sack over a year ago. And he was now working there.

The headhunter and I nevertheless ended the conversation very pleasantly.

Contact

I made contact with the contact from LinkedIn and spoke with her about the position for which she was recruiting.

Although we had a nice, professional chat it was clear that I didn't have the experience in large, global consolidations programmes that she required - although she wondered who would.

The salary they were envisioning was €100k above what I am currently earning. Although that would be a rather nice amount, and I could actually do the work required, her customer wasn't the sort that could be convinced. Fair enough.

But it was good talking with her and, you never know, it may lead to something. It has done so in the past.

Quiet day

Last week I went to a meetup event and talked to a couple of people about using an IT Ronin team.

I got a few suggestions which I looked at over the weekend.

Also, over the weekend I correspondent to a couple of bites, one from Xing and one from Linkedin - agencies had seen my c.v. and wanted to contact me.

The Xing one was embarrassing as I hadn't seen the message before. Although I like Xing sometimes I miss messages.

Yesterday evening I suddenly started to feel ill and took today off work.

I might go in tomorrow where I reckon there is a 50:50 chance I will be told that my job is coming to an end (as they are outsourcing). They have to do it by tomorrow because the notice period is two months plus the start of the month. Plus if they don't do it tomorrow then I will be compensated for all 30 days of holiday I get for the year (German employment law). 

We'll see.

It's a bit cloudy

The company to whom we will most likely outsource our IT infrastructure services (of which I currently the head) were very surprised to hear that Amazon Web Services was a cloud provider.

One of my colleagues advised them that AWS are the largest cloud hosting provider in the world.

We can't get it out of their heads that there is more to public cloud offering than server virtualisation.

Yesterday a senior recruitment company contacted me on LinkedIn to see if I was interested in working for a major company based in Munich.

Yes.

IT Samurai to IT Ronin

In Munich there's a great team of IT-Samurai who have been betrayed by their ailing company and will soon be left to wander the business landscape as Ronin, looking for a new company to serve.

Though highly skilled individuals they are even more effective as a team - it would be a pity for this to be broken up and scattered by the wind.

But how to find a company that needs such a team in one go?

A bad day

Last night I didn't sleep very well.

This morning I sent messages to a few contacts on LinkedIn.

My help-desk manager later at work told me that I had looked glum all day.

This late afternoon I had to have a meeting with my teams (which includes the help desk manager) and tell them that some or even all of them would be outsourced.

Not my idea -  obviously.

I hope I handed it well, or at least not too badly.

I left work relatively early but I couldn't do anything useful (like job hunt) in the evening.

For some background, we have spent ages insourcing and then developing the teams beyond the storming stage. Then we get a new CITO who has the big fat idea of outsourcing. Just like that.

Big sigh

This week I didn't apply for any jobs.

As I am still employed I want to find a great, inspiring company and then apply to work there, rather than just find a job.

So, I am racking my brain to think of potential companies.

There are quite a few in Munich but some of them require good German (and I had good German until I joined a German company which only spoke English).

I have to remind myself that I have found five jobs here which did not require any German. And many other non-German speakers have found work here.

How to demotivate your senior managers

Be:

• rude and insulting
• openly condescending

Don't:

• let them explain or question, cut them off if necessary
• listen or show them any respect

Do:

• come up with a strategy which is based on the obvious

But:

• do not be surprised when they tell HR that they have decided to leave the company specifically because of you

Two weeks ago I went to a startup seminar. One of the speakers co-founded a private company which eventually designed and built a rocket which docked with the ISS.

It rubbed in that I can do better things than work for a company where I am suddenly treated like a fucking idiot.

Fortunately the HR head did listen and treated me with respect. As did a (very senior) manager whose advice I asked beforehand. I think I handled it well: I told them I am going to find another job, why this has happened (using the above bullet points) but assured them that I would be as supportive as ever. There was, of course, the caveat that I wouldn't be able to put in so many hours as usual as I need to spend time job hunting.

The truth

My new boss told me that often people leave because of their managers.

He is so not wrong.

That's it

I 

Have

Had 

Enough

More people are leaving.

The second colleague who left (see post below) also, it turns out, went to work with our old CITO.

But even more people are leaving. An alarmingly large number.

The current CITO has retired. Or maybe has been retired. (Note to c-level staff: if you think we are idiots then you are the idiots).

His replacement ... I don't want to write about his replacement.

But I'll write more later.

More hmmm

A few weeks' ago a fellow manager decided to leave. He's going to work with our old CITO.

Today I learnt that another colleague is leaving as well. Has had enough.

Hmmm

In a meeting today with a new c-level person who is rather clever. But not clever enough.

He let slip something which suggests jobs will be going east.

I like curry, but not that much.

This evening I went to a meeting of the American German Business Club - part of my marketing mix when job hunting.

A long time

As it's a new year it means that I have been in this company for 2.5 years.

Doing the same role.

OK, the company has grown a lot, shrunk a bit, and then grown a lot again: basically when I joined it was 100 people strong, a year later it was 400 and now it is 500 strong. With a good global presence.

But, one way or another, I don't tend to stay in companies too long. The longest was 3.5 years.

So, by July I should have been in the company for three years. Unless ...

Praise from boss

There's always some people who need to job hunt. In the sense of needing to be put in a position of looking for another job.

But putting them in that situation can be difficult, very difficult, especially with German employee protection laws which kick in after six months. And there are people who behave well right until they pass this probationary period.

So, here's my suggestion to line managers who need to correct this situation.

Find a fellow manager in another company. That manager agrees to head hunt (easy as you have given their name and contact details) and recruit the problem employee. They make a great offer and take on your problem.

Then, a bit later, certainly before the probationary period is over, they sack them. No reason needs to be given.

You may be obliged to reciprocate.

Reasonable solution to a modern problem?

I described this to my boss who called it "dastardly" ... approvingly I think.

Massive failure

I went to a meetup.com - err - meetup where there were a couple of talks.

One about DevOps and one about software engineering.

They were interesting but would have been more interesting if they were in a language with which I was more familiar - namely English, rather than German.

I followed as best I could but didn't ask any questions.

Although, one question I should have asked was "where is the bottle opener?".

As well as food there was beer - Munich's finest: Augusteiner.

But no bottle opener.

Someone sitting next to me saw me pathetically attack the bottle with a key. He took pity and offered a small bottle opener he had with him.

I now know where I have been going wrong in my life and will get one myself soon.

Another day another grown-up dinner

Although I didn't receive any promotions today I did go to an "executive dinner" from a major supplier.

Does that make me an executive?

Hmmm.

Anyhoo, like the last grown up dinner it was nice.

Unusual

Normally I have to explain what my company does.

This cannot be done in an elevator pitch fashion.

Then I explain that anyway I run their infrastructure.

On Wednesday I went to a business-type meeting organised by meetup.com.

And being cool/lame I took my Surface Pro to write notes.

Whilst eating the person on my left saw the company logo on the laptop, recognised it and told me he knew the company well, including my ex-VP, and had worked with its sister companies.

Then the girl on the right saw the company logo and told me she knew people in the IT department. In fact she gave off quite a few names.

I then talked to a third person who had never heard of us and needed the usual long-winded description of our business and then the short description of what I do.

Grown up

A couple of weeks ago I told a friend that I had had my first grown-up dinner.

"I thought we had grown-up dinners" said the mother of two and business woman. I shook my head.

What had happened was that my boss - VP of IT - had been invited to a security dinner at a very posh restaurant.

As I am nominally involved in security at work he asked the organiser, by email, if his Director of Infrastructure could attend.

So apparently I am now the director of infrastructure.

A few hours later the organiser replied that they would be delighted if his Director of IT came along.

So apparently I am now the director of IT. Two promotions in less than four hours. But no pay rise.

By the time we received this message I had little time to quickly go home and change into something less comfortable: trousers rather than jeans, a dress shirt (but no tie, this 2014) and a blazer.

Then went to Käfer (which means something if you know Munich).

Champagne, a private dining room and good wine and food - good Bavarian food (not a typo).

The conversation was very erudite and was moderated yet in a relaxed way. I tried to hold my own.

And unlike my normal dinners I kept a brake on the alcohol consumption. Well, a bit of a brake.

It was actually a very pleasant evening.

In a couple of weeks' time I will be going to another grown-up dinner from a cloud provider.

Good for the tummy, good for the ego and good for networking.

just a nibble

Recently I was talking to my boss about the general dissatisfaction at work. 

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So, as long as there is some hope, I told my boss, I am not looking for another job.

But - and I hope I didn't have to say this - I do get occasional calls.

Like the one I had today.

Although I couldn't talk when they called me - I was sitting next to my boss at the time - I later sent them my c.v.

an entry about moo

Great name for a card company:

"Nice cards Jobhunterwithnoname, where did you get them from?"

"Moo"

I reordered my cards today.

Made a slight change - my name is now in bold. Before - although people said it looked nice - my name was a bit hard to read.

an entry about job hunting

I responded to a comment in my last entry by replying on the writer's own blog - they were looking for advice about job hunting.

It is, of course, very hard to give advice across cultures but this is what I wrote:

"...I am sorry to read about your plight but I know it well as I once had two years' unemployment. Hopefully I am an example of things getting better.

Practical advice is difficult as I don't know the job market too well in your region but here goes:

- set yourself daily objectives, especially looking through online job boards
- set yourself weekly targets, for example mine was five applications per week (which was easier as I am in IT)
- but recognise that whatever target you set isn't always attainable - we all have bad luck weeks
- job hunting and applications should be harder than a full-time job: get up early, job hunt till late
- but take breaks. An hour for lunch and dinner. And take the weekends off.
- you must tailor your c.v. or resume and covering letter for every application you make
- these must be perfect. Read them out aloud (seriously, don't sub-vocalise, ALOUD). 
- use hidden tables for your c.v. so that everything lines up nicely
- yes your applications must be perfect but forgive yourself when you later realise you have made a mistake.
- also forgive yourself for the occasional lapses in discipline during your search (as long as they are occasional)
- the Internet and other distractions are only for rewards or needy breaks after several hours of hunting. Having said that you must have other interests so keep up your food blog (in your spare time).
- no later than a day after sending an application phone them. You must. Most people won't so you will stand out.
- you have good English - I'm not being patronising, it's not perfect but it is good (I have interviewed people from your region) - and that is a skill you can exploit. Target US and British companies and other multi-nationals (because they will operate in English).
- back to your c.v (resume): most people are careless with these. Make yours stand-out. Everything must be nicely lined up (with those hidden tables). The wording must be crisp. Use textual embellishments sparingly. Don't use this exercise as an excuse not to apply to jobs. It may take weeks of research (on ideas etc.) during which you must still send out applications with your existing - but improving - c.v.
- attend business talks, networking events, Toastmasters etc. They probably won't get you an interview but it will help you develop your self-presentation and keep you relaxed amongst others. Oh, and they can be fun too.
- if you can then get some business cards made. You never know into whom you might bump. But if you do meet someone it is essential that you get their card.
- get on LinkedIn. Post full details and a photograph. I got one job after being found on that site.
- GET ON LINKEDIN
- if you can, go for job interviews if only just to get the experience
- remember that it is easier to get a job if you already have a job so that job advert you don't like may be worth going for
- also remember that the first thing that changes in a job is the job description. Often on the first day. This has happened to me so often.
- your people, organisational, project and leadership skills - along with metric tonnes of hard work - will take you much further than any schooling or initial employment position.

And finally, the harder you work the luckier you get so job hunt hard and good luck!"

I hope it was useful.

new blog needed

Somewhere there must be a blog about losing jobs.

But in case there isn't, in my two teams so far:

• some people have been made redundant, or not retained if they come from a supplier
• another person has resigned
• and last week I told a freelancer to leave the office as he was misusing our equipment and network. He will not be coming back.

The last item was particularly annoying and probably involved two man-days of effort.

Look, at non-managerial levels it is pretty easy to keep your job. Here's my handy guide:

• rare exceptions aside get in on-time, don't leave early, don't take long lunches, don't hang outside smoking - if you do smoke: don't.
• do what you are asked and expected to do
• contribute to a pleasant professional environment (I know for some people with anxiety disorders - of whom I've known quite a few - this can be very difficult and I don't know what the answer, or rather possible answers are. I wish I did)

That's it: go in, do the job, keep things pleasant.

There really is no need to:

• spend more than a few minutes looking at the general internet, and that's only when you need a break
• misuse the company's equipment and network. At places where I've worked we've found masses of pirated videos, hard core porn and extreme porn on people's work hard disks. I would imagine that it is not pleasant to tell your wife you've been sacked, just before Christmas, because a human-animal sex video was found on your work computer.

Luck maybe

After a hard week at work I left the office early yesterday.

But that was so I could work from home whilst waiting for someone to read and change the water meter - because that is what they do in Munich.

As I was winding down from work my mobile rang. It was a London agency calling about a project management job in Munich.

I don't really do PM work any more (although I am assisting in setting up a methodology in my company) so I named a very high compensation I would want.

Apparently that was not a problem.

OK, I sent the agent my details.

Which is good because although the job spec in not entirely up my street anymore we should all by now know that job specs that agencies give are rarely related to reality.

Today I read this article on luck.

Rejections are always right

Something I've told myself and others:

"when someone rejects you from a job, they are always right to do so".

They may not be right for the right reasons, but they are still right.

It could be them, their company, or you and how you would fit in. They may be incompetent, even arseholes but they are right.

But unfortunately there is a corollary, "when someone offers you a job, they may not be right".

LinkedIn notification

If you are not in LinkedIn then you should be.

Stop reading this and join now.

Done it?

Right. Carry on reading.

And if you are on LinkedIn you really should promptly respond to agencies which contact you about possible jobs. Especially when you have directly benefited from this. And have mentioned this on your job hunting blog. Yes, that ultimate one. And really, you shouldn't wait two weeks before replying.

Understood?

Query

On Friday, rather fed up, I went to The Enemy (generic term for HR at any company) and asked them about my notice period.

Two months from the end of the current month.

As the cunning plan is to reduce my team from 11 (and really it should be 12) to five people, I see no way that this will work.

I have advised my new VP of IT with nice slides of what we can, or rather will struggle to, do. And what we won't be able to do at all.

Really what I should have done was create a slide with pictures of a horde of zombies and a nuclear explosion in the background. And have it titled "Best case scenario".

Not good week

Last Thursday my Internet access at home died.

I could, of course because it's 2014, use my phone for limited connection but it's not the same.

At work, we are all a bit down.

In fact last Wednesday I told my boss I wanted to take Friday off so I could have a long weekend. I've been working hard for a quite a few months dealing with unpleasant topics and needed a break.

It was short notice but he agreed, probably because he knew that otherwise I would go my doctor and he would unhesitatingly write me off two weeks - a lot of German doctors are like that.

And yesterday he - my boss and CITO - told everyone he had resigned and would leave in a couple of weeks.

Today is the start of the Easter long holiday.

Slowly ...

... coming to an unpleasant realisation.

My group, comprising two teams, has been halved.

Or will be in a couple of months' time.

So during this coming week I have to, with the team managers, work out how we provide a service.

I am not sure we can provide the service the company will require.

And although I may secure more headcount there is a risk that they may have to compensate in other areas. See where this is going?

Today I sent my c.v. to a recruitment consultant I've known for a while.

And I also updated Monster.

A few years ago a friend told me that simply updating Monster generated a lot of interest.

Let's see.

Not a good day

During the bits of the weekend when I wasn't running/drinking/eating or sleeping I updated my c.v.

It's now how I want it to look.

I also updated my details on LinkedIn, not because I am looking for another job, but it's better to be safe and follow the rule "don't leave home without a c.v.".

This morning, as expected, two of my staff were told they would lose their jobs. We're shutting down the offices (one in the Americas, one in APAC) where they work.

These two people are outstanding and it is sad to lose them. They were also sad.

Anyway, they will be with us for at least a couple of months.

When it comes to redundancies, or indeed other forms of termination, it is hard on both sides of the desk - although obviously much harder on the receiving end.

Meanwhile, the company is now much smaller but, when you discount the loss of our largest client, still in growth.

I am safe ... for now.

Weekend

Having installed OneNote on my Mac I haven't  used it in the slightest.

Still pleased it's there though.

This weekend I did, however, spend some time working on my c.v.

Living in Germany I've decided to include a photo. It took a while to put it into the c.v. it a pleasing way (lots of table manipulation).

I do, however, have to update the text as well.

Good news

Having talked with someone senior in the company I reckon my chances of being kept or staying at around 30%.

But a good 30%.

Yesterday I also heard that OneNote is now available on the Mac.

And this morning I downloaded it and got it working.

Deja vu all over again

More thoughts on what's happening.

I remember that I used to work for a small medium size company with one big client and a few little ones.

We lost the big client (which also went in-house), I was made redundant and the company no longer exists.

I'm using google-fu to see if there are any stats on companies that survive loss of their key client.

The panda is worried.

Sinking feeling

A shitty end to a shitty week.

Today we lost our COO - someone for whom I had a lot of respect.

Since I've joined it's been non-stop growth.

Now I've heard that instead of growing our infrastructure I may have to start reducing it.

The panda is sad.

It's time to remember ...

... I've been thinking about the situation at work.

Almost worrying.

But in times like these it's important to remember my favourite White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, and his wise words:

"never let a serious crisis go to waste".

Oh oh

Today our biggest client announced that they were terminating the contract with us.

This could be good for us in the long term.

But in the short term ... not so good.

On another note, my personal business cards arrived last week.

They are from moo.com (which I love telling people because of the funny name) and were cheap but good.

I hope I don't need them.

Advisory

This evening I attended a meeting with our company's advisory board.

I didn't have to say much but a couple of the VPs got mauled by the investors (the advisory board consists of VCs who advise the VPs to remember just whose money it is).

Not nice to watch but I suspect they got it easy.

Does, however, temper one's ambition.

Tell them early

Yesterday my boss told me that HR will soon contact the agency which has supplied one of our help desk agents.

We have to downsize a bit, just a little bit, which means going for low-hanging fruit such as freelancers. In his case we aim to end the contract around the middle of February.

It's nothing to do with him: everyone likes him and he is very helpful. I had been hoping that we wouldn't need to do this but the wheels are being set in motion.

So, yesterday (Friday) within an hour of being told I had a quick word with him. I stressed that it was nothing to do with his performance.

Later, I  heard from him direct manager that he was quite upset and would have preferred to have been told on Monday.

Maybe. My thinking was that it was right to tell him as soon as possible. The market always picks up in the New Year and agencies start calling (an agency actually called me on Thursday but I wasn't interested). I thought it would be galling for him to reject an approach - which can even happen at the weekends - and then learn the next day that he should have gone with it.

It's never nice (well, for non-sociopathic people) to give this sort of news but it's worse to receive it so I understand his unhappiness.

You for coffee (?)

Slate.com - bless'em - has the definite answer on whether you should accept a coffee from the interviewer when you are being interviewed in a Starbucks.

And my definitive answer for when you are offered an cream in an ice cream parlour by an interviewer (when you had earlier been told the interview would be held in an office) is to answer with a firm, but polite, "fuck off".

Unless you are applying to work in the ice cream business you know, from my experience, that it will end up being an awful job.

Motiviation

For a website specializing in dick jokes Cracked.com often has interesting articles including this motivational piece, which is impressive even though I don't normally like these things.

Best to read the comments as well, though, for a better perspective.

Extreme commuting

It's a real thing and many years ago I use to do it.

Nowadays my journey to work takes 35 minutes door to door.

Which some people think is excessive.

Quick poll

It's time for the readers of this blog to actually contribute instead of sitting back and waiting for me to do everything.

So, please answer the question below:

"When is it appropriate to make jokey penis-size allusions in a business setting?

Is it:

1. When your workplace happens to be a brothel and you use that type of humour as a stress-relief mechanism (much like the gallows humour that paramedics and police use)?
2. When you run a multi-national, multi-cultural business and are giving the main speech at the company's Christmas party?
3. When you are a professional writer of lame penis-size jokes?"

The "F" word

WARNING - This post doesn't include naughty words.

For some reason I like aimlessly looking at things, like Pinterest.

And I just saw one of there ever-so-cute* bon mots: "You don't realise how boring your life is until someone asks you what you do for fun".

And I realised my answer would include going to work.

Sad but true. Sure I do other fun things (um, drink and eat mainly) but I also try to, and often do, have fun at work.


*If you didn't recognise my sarcasm please stop reading this blog and delete it from your favourites folder and history - you are not worthy to read it. Your cooperation is appreciated.

Salon

Interesting, but poorly titled, article in Salon about credential inflation.

I have a bachelor degree in engineering but no post-graduate (or "graduate" if you are American) qualification.

This, together with over 10 years of experience, was sufficient for me to become a chartered engineer (the British equivalent of being a licensed engineer) as well as a CITP and a MBCS.

Incidentally I only applied to become an MBCS but ended up with the other two as well. And two days later I ended up in intensive care (unrelated).

Nowadays I would need a master's degree as a minimum.

What has changed?

I suspect that partly this is due to the quality of degrees plummeting. Certainly this is the case in the UK. And universities are now just businesses turning out as many graduates as they can.

Also, there are more people taking degrees. Not just those in the Western world but also in the BRICS. The competition has increased.

And actually in the West we can't compete with the high number of top graduates coming out of India and China. Even if we improved the quality of the degrees we just don't have the population of graduates needed.

Many people are now going for MBAs and there are also more people going for doctorates - note the plural: in Germany if you have two doctorates you may require people to call you "Herr Doktor Doktor Mustermann".

There must be a better way to differentiate yourself.

Not sure what it is though.

Fitting in

So, my boss terminated a senior manager.

(Not me).

The guy just didn't fit in.

I didn't have much to do with him but I found him rude and arrogant.

Others felt the same. At least one of his reports was thinking of resigning because of him.

Other senior members of the department (who didn't report to him) also thought he was a joke.

German companies tend to practise Probezeit ("Test time"): a probationary period of usually six months.

During this time either the employee or the employer can terminate the contract with usually just two weeks' notice and with no need to give a reason. After the Probezeit it is very difficult to sack someone and the notice period can run to three months, for any level of employee, which in turn makes it hard to leave a company for another job.

Now this is better than other countries. For example, the legal minimum in the UK is one week's notice for the first year, although companies often offer better conditions in their contracts so you aren't anxious for a whole year.

And in the USA I understand it is often the case that you are permanently on a week's notice and it is, in general, much easier to sack someone.

Still, in Germany the Probezeit period is quite a tense time and people normally keep their heads down. Which is not that good for companies either, especially for hiring recruits who should be in leadership roles.

I didn't keep my head down that much in this company but fortunately I fitted in. I still found the first six months quite tense - not least as the company is classed as a hyper growth business which meant I had rather a lot going on and a lot to quickly assimilate.

This guy didn't keep his head down either and was very vocal and liked to argue. I keep thinking that his MBA (actually an Exec MBA) proved the alternative meaning: "Mediocre But Arrogant".

It's sad when someone loses their job but sometimes also a relief.

I hope he finds somewhere more suitable for him.

Warning

If you send me your c.v. and ignore any of the points mentioned here do not expect an interview.

Homework

I'm helping a friend do Excel exercises for a company with whom she is undergoing recruitment assessments.

The exercises are pretty straightforward.

I'm also using it as an opportunity to get used to a new tablet.

A few weeks ago I tried out a Fujitsu slate but didn't like it.

Then I tried a Lenovo ThinkPad Nexus. Pretty good but a bit heavy.

And the little PSU caused interference on external monitors.

Yesterday I got my hands on a Microsoft Surface Pro.

You know what?

I think the says at Small & Flaccid have cracked it. L

Frankfurt

When I first visited Frankfurt it was in the 90s and I was visiting an English friend who was living there.

Coming from London, I thought it was a great city and wanted to live and work there.

A few years later I got a job in Munich.

Munich!

Turns out Munich is much, much better.

And not least the beer.

For quite a few years now I have been living in the city.

But a couple of years ago I took a job in Frankfurt, in desperation.

Fortunately the company failed their probation period before I gave up my flat here.

And these days I have a permanent job in Munich - well, as permanent as jobs get.

So, you can imagine my disdain when I was emailed today about a job in Frankfurt.

Experteer

Yesterday I received a final reminder about my payment to this service (of which I am a Premium member).

But I hadn't received any messages before.

Anyway, I renewed it today (I think it was using an expired credit card).

Nevertheless I have a slight feeling it isn't worthwhile.

Does anyone have any positive experiences from using it?

OneNuts

Nowadays, not only do I have a job but one which allows me to "try out" new pieces of equipment more or less as I wish.

So I am trying out a tablet PC, running Windows 8.

It's a Lenovo Helix and I am getting quite impressed with it.

And I am beginning to tolerate Windows 8 (tolerate meaning, in the case, not wanting to totally obliterate Microsoft).

And it has OneNote for Windows 8 on it (and I have been a fan of OneNote for years).

Which seems rather nice until you find out:

1. it syncs automatically to Microsoft's SkyDrive which makes it impossible to use in a business context
2. you can't print
3. you can't do some other things you could do with earlier versions ... BUT YOU CAN'T PRINT.

If Dancing Monkey Boy Steve Ballmer wants to contribute to this job hunting blog he just has to contact me (and send a scan of his pink slip).

Could have written this myself

Found on the WSJ, Get Rid of the Performance Review!

It's never too late

My mobile phone rings at work.

My personal mobile, not my work mobile because that is a Blackberry and my company is still in the early 00s.

A company to whom I had applied months ago - a rather large company (actually a freakin huge company) was wondering - rather timidly - if I was still available.

No.

I seem to have landed in a good job and Blackberry phones, well the model 9900, are so damn good I can't understand why RIM are doing so badly.

Sometimes it is too late.

Decision

When I told my bosses, well my immediate boss, he wasn't sure if he wanted me to stay another week or longer.

Now, my contract only talks about immediate termination on either side. Plus they put me on furloughs without notice.

Still, I wanted to be helpful.

On Monday there was a programme team conference call where my departure this Friday was announced. I mentioned, rather embarrased, that this was only my suggestion and had not been confirmed.

Later I sent an email to my boss detailing everything I had been working on. It was a short email. In it, I also said that I would leave on Friday unless there was a strong objection.

No reply.

So, on Tuesday I emailed my new company and told them I can start next Monday.

That "right feeling" feeling

So, after talking to my boss I contact his boss.

His immediate response is lots of laughter and "everyone is leaving".

A few seconds pause ... including him.

He is tying up a new position in a major insurance company.

"Awesome," I tell him, "but I beat you to it".

It's not the waiting ...

... it's the waiting.

Twice this morning I went down to the bottom of our block of flats where the mailboxes are kept.

And both times my mailbox was empty.

Meanwhile I had e-mailed the new company telling them I was happy with the pdf of the contract they had sent and also mentioning that I have holiday in August (which I had forgot to mention before)

They replied that the holiday was not a problem.

Then I went off to lunch and, once again, checked my mailbox.

Big envelope was there.

With a big contract inside.

Lunch could wait (yes, really).

Signed the contract, went to the post office to post it, bought lunch (because it can't wait that long), then called my boss to tell him the good news.

He was very British about it (despite not being British in the slightest).

I have a nominal start date with the company of 1st August but am hoping I can bring that considerably forward. And I anticipate that I can end this contract by the end of next week.

A bit more waiting

Nothing in the post today - actually nothing at all, let alone the contract.

I contact the agency who assure me it's in the post and send an unsigned pdf of the contract.

It has all the details correct - name (and name spelt correctly), salary at the correct level etc.

So now I wait for it to arrive by post.

Meanwhile I have asked a friend who is a German to English business translator to quickly read it. I don't need a translation - just a quick review in case I missed something outrageous (which I'm pretty sure I haven't).

If she doesn't have time (and it was a last minute request as I thought they would write a version in English as well) that doesn't matter.

And in a few minutes there's another German speaking practise meetup - this time in a pub one block away from me. Must dash.

Waiting

The contract didn't come today.

Disintermidation

On Friday an agency sent me an email asking if I was interested in a project, working from  home but for a company in NRW (basically the Rhein area of Germany).

This morning I replied that I was interested.

Whilst I was out at lunchtime hunting for a sandwich the agency called me on my mobile and in the street we had a good chat. The result of this is that my name is going to be put forward to their client.

Splendid.

Which is just as well as I recently realised that my current job has been disintermidated but that my management haven't realised and are still paying me.

In fact I didn't have much to do today at all.

Still this evening I heard that the company who interviewed me last week (face to face) are sending a contract over tomorrow.

If it's okay then it looks like I can disintermediate myself from this current job.

Lazy Sunday

But not that lazy.

Despite it being the start of the holiday season in Germany (known as "Summer") I managed to find and apply for three jobs.

And I haven't heard back yet from the company which interviewed me last week.

Despite being able to interview in German I think I should continue to improve it so will later be going to a meetup of expats who practise their skills in this language.

It's at a beer garden - well, as I said, lazy Sunday.

Managing the Enemy

Yesterday I had a second interview, face to face with a company in Munich.

First I was interviewed by the manager who interviewed me on the phone last week.

He drew things on a flip board. Then asked if I had any questions. I asked if I could outline my approach to his situation on the flip board.

At the end of that he asked if I would like to do that role for them.

I replied, "Yes, please".

He laughed because the only other possible answer, framed that way, was "No, thank you".

In all that bit of the interview went well.

But then he went away and the HR director came in.

He was asking questions about my technical competence which were nonsensical in the role we were discussing. Plus his English wasn't that good and mostly we spoke German.

HR people can really screw up your recruitment. You have to keep them under a tight leash and never let them interview your candidates on their own.

I should hear by the end of the week about this job.

The company who telephone-interviewed me only in German for 45 minutes felt that my profile wasn't right for the role. Which is kinda good because it means that my German was quite good.

Oh and today at work senior management have been wondering if my role is of use to them. Which means that they are only slow by about nine months - I've felt that my role added little value since I joined and was ripe for disintermediation.

Still, I've earnt a lot more than I normally do in a year when permanently employed.

Follow-up calls in Germany

Yes or no? It seems yes.

Emergency Bier

Just had a second telephone interview in German - this time for 45 minutes.

Don't wait up for a second posting today, right?

Even more heartening

So I received a reply from the agency I contacted yesterday evening.

They liked my c.v. but wanted to check that I realised it wasn't a project management job, because otherwise I seemed to be a "perfect" match.

Not a problem at all ....

... I have a telephone interview with their client next week.

Heartening

Sometimes I feel it will be hard to get another job in Munich without good German. This is a bit bizarre because:

• with a bit of practise I actually have good German (the problem is that here in Germany there is little chance to practise it)
• I've already had five jobs in Germany
• and just today I called one agency (via a contact), another called me about a possible contract and I also applied for a job seen on GULP. All in English.

Top tip for monsters

A friend of mine, unbidden, suggested that I amend my details, specifically my c.v. on Monster. It was her experience that the mere updating resulted in more phone calls. I need more phone calls from agencies. Let's see what happens.

Unfurloughed

Last night I received a message that the furlough has been lifted and I should resume work this morning. Which I will. But I am concerned about what has happened in the last two weeks. If they could proceed without me (and the others) then I can't see how we can add value now. If they couldn't proceed then the programme will now be in a very serious situation. During the furlough I couldn't find many (or indeed any) suitable jobs but I must continue looking.

Guess what?

The contractors at the client company, including me, have been put on a furlough again.

Afghanistan

I received an email about a job in Khabul. The email was clearly a circular so I didn't even bother to reply. The next day I get a call about an interesting opportunity which would particularly suit me due to my background with the company involved. Lots of money, benefits blah blah blah it's in Khabul. I live in the fourth best city in the world. The chances of me having my head cut off whilst being videoed is not high. And as we have Afghan restaurants here (which are very nice) there really is no incentive for me to consider it. So I don't.

Malta

An Englishman contacts me on Xing.com about a position. Turns out he's in Malta but the job is in Munich. I call him. Also turns out that the job is re-advertised and that I had applied for it earlier. Nevertheless he puts my name forward.

Chinese experience

Having made eight business trips to Beijing I know how great the food can be.


As well as having eaten a lot of Chinese food I also worked a lot with people from Beijing and was able to use that fact in my application for a job with a Chinese company today.

I'm getting hungry just thinking about the food actually.

Learning

Learning, always learning.

Today I learnt some more about:

• confusing people - tell your report to do something they have been specifically told to wait on by a stakeholder
• demotivating people - threaten them with furloughs and even instant dismissal if they don't do new and really complicated things even though they have a lot to do anyway
  
• stressing people - get the person whom you told to do something (that they have been told not to do) to do something else at the last minute, then to go back to what they are doing, all this without allowing overtime
• defocusing people - when your programme is going badly, and you have an immoveable dropdead date with massive corporate risk, get all the people who can get you out of the hole to do timesheets and create detailed, practically fictional plans running over 18 months.

Am not impressed with this disorganisation.

Taleo

... or to give them their proper name "fucking Taleo" (I heard this from someone else).

I am rather hoping that if anyone ever manages to complete a Taleo based application they automatically get the job.

Today I actually managed this and am now smugly sitting back waiting for the offer.

That sinking feeling

Apart from the furlough and then the massive descope my boss is acting like he is a bit stressed.

Which is reasonable but not pleasant.

I talked to another colleague about it and he agreed.

I want out.

Descope

The programme on which I work likes to descope things. Big things.

Originally I was working on five big things.

This was descoped to two big things.

And today it was reduced to one big thing.

Mind you it is big thing I am working on right now but it is not boding well.

re.vu

Via Lifehacker I found the site re.vu.

I even created an account so that it gave me an easy to spell URL with my initials along the lines of re.vu/easytospellurl rather than use my full name which would look like re.vu/difficulttospellurl.

Not sure how useful it will be though. Some Lifehacker commenters mentioned that most recruiters prefer c.v.s in Word so they can put it into the databases.

Udate the blog, must update the blog

Today I found and applied for a permanent job in Munich.

Found on Toytown.

Networking

Yesterday one of my contacts on Xing.com, whom I only met a couple of times, sent me a message asking if I was available for work.

I replied positively.

This afternoon an agency contacted me as a result - he had relayed my details to him.

Unfurloughed

Since Monday I have been back at work.

Let's see how I did during the furlough:

1. Fix girlfriend's hard disk which suffered a major crash. - Had to be repaired by someone who knew what they are doing. Anyway, she now has a Macbook Pro. Am envious,
   
2. Look for jobs. - Looked, applied, was contacted by at least one agency and today had an interview as a result.
   
3. Improve German (I am supposed to be almost fluent, not almost incoherent) - Have done a little bit more than before
   
4. Run during the day, I'm already at 8km, heck maybe even go swimming - Now up to 10Km although no controlled drowning swimming.
   
5. Update this blog - whaddya think you are reading?
   
6. Do some private appointments (dentist etc) - done
   
7. Learn some new recipes - well, read some new recipes
   
8. Meet up for lunch with friends (like sushi on Thursday) - raw fish was eaten.