Praise from boss

There's always some people who need to job hunt. In the sense of needing to be put in a position of looking for another job.

But putting them in that situation can be difficult, very difficult, especially with German employee protection laws which kick in after six months. And there are people who behave well right until they pass this probationary period.

So, here's my suggestion to line managers who need to correct this situation.

Find a fellow manager in another company. That manager agrees to head hunt (easy as you have given their name and contact details) and recruit the problem employee. They make a great offer and take on your problem.

Then, a bit later, certainly before the probationary period is over, they sack them. No reason needs to be given.

You may be obliged to reciprocate.

Reasonable solution to a modern problem?

I described this to my boss who called it "dastardly" ... approvingly I think.

Massive failure

I went to a meetup.com - err - meetup where there were a couple of talks.

One about DevOps and one about software engineering.

They were interesting but would have been more interesting if they were in a language with which I was more familiar - namely English, rather than German.

I followed as best I could but didn't ask any questions.

Although, one question I should have asked was "where is the bottle opener?".

As well as food there was beer - Munich's finest: Augusteiner.

But no bottle opener.

Someone sitting next to me saw me pathetically attack the bottle with a key. He took pity and offered a small bottle opener he had with him.

I now know where I have been going wrong in my life and will get one myself soon.

Another day another grown-up dinner

Although I didn't receive any promotions today I did go to an "executive dinner" from a major supplier.

Does that make me an executive?

Hmmm.

Anyhoo, like the last grown up dinner it was nice.

Unusual

Normally I have to explain what my company does.

This cannot be done in an elevator pitch fashion.

Then I explain that anyway I run their infrastructure.

On Wednesday I went to a business-type meeting organised by meetup.com.

And being cool/lame I took my Surface Pro to write notes.

Whilst eating the person on my left saw the company logo on the laptop, recognised it and told me he knew the company well, including my ex-VP, and had worked with its sister companies.

Then the girl on the right saw the company logo and told me she knew people in the IT department. In fact she gave off quite a few names.

I then talked to a third person who had never heard of us and needed the usual long-winded description of our business and then the short description of what I do.

Grown up

A couple of weeks ago I told a friend that I had had my first grown-up dinner.

"I thought we had grown-up dinners" said the mother of two and business woman. I shook my head.

What had happened was that my boss - VP of IT - had been invited to a security dinner at a very posh restaurant.

As I am nominally involved in security at work he asked the organiser, by email, if his Director of Infrastructure could attend.

So apparently I am now the director of infrastructure.

A few hours later the organiser replied that they would be delighted if his Director of IT came along.

So apparently I am now the director of IT. Two promotions in less than four hours. But no pay rise.

By the time we received this message I had little time to quickly go home and change into something less comfortable: trousers rather than jeans, a dress shirt (but no tie, this 2014) and a blazer.

Then went to Käfer (which means something if you know Munich).

Champagne, a private dining room and good wine and food - good Bavarian food (not a typo).

The conversation was very erudite and was moderated yet in a relaxed way. I tried to hold my own.

And unlike my normal dinners I kept a brake on the alcohol consumption. Well, a bit of a brake.

It was actually a very pleasant evening.

In a couple of weeks' time I will be going to another grown-up dinner from a cloud provider.

Good for the tummy, good for the ego and good for networking.

just a nibble

Recently I was talking to my boss about the general dissatisfaction at work. 

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So, as long as there is some hope, I told my boss, I am not looking for another job.

But - and I hope I didn't have to say this - I do get occasional calls.

Like the one I had today.

Although I couldn't talk when they called me - I was sitting next to my boss at the time - I later sent them my c.v.

an entry about moo

Great name for a card company:

"Nice cards Jobhunterwithnoname, where did you get them from?"

"Moo"

I reordered my cards today.

Made a slight change - my name is now in bold. Before - although people said it looked nice - my name was a bit hard to read.

an entry about job hunting

I responded to a comment in my last entry by replying on the writer's own blog - they were looking for advice about job hunting.

It is, of course, very hard to give advice across cultures but this is what I wrote:

"...I am sorry to read about your plight but I know it well as I once had two years' unemployment. Hopefully I am an example of things getting better.

Practical advice is difficult as I don't know the job market too well in your region but here goes:

- set yourself daily objectives, especially looking through online job boards
- set yourself weekly targets, for example mine was five applications per week (which was easier as I am in IT)
- but recognise that whatever target you set isn't always attainable - we all have bad luck weeks
- job hunting and applications should be harder than a full-time job: get up early, job hunt till late
- but take breaks. An hour for lunch and dinner. And take the weekends off.
- you must tailor your c.v. or resume and covering letter for every application you make
- these must be perfect. Read them out aloud (seriously, don't sub-vocalise, ALOUD). 
- use hidden tables for your c.v. so that everything lines up nicely
- yes your applications must be perfect but forgive yourself when you later realise you have made a mistake.
- also forgive yourself for the occasional lapses in discipline during your search (as long as they are occasional)
- the Internet and other distractions are only for rewards or needy breaks after several hours of hunting. Having said that you must have other interests so keep up your food blog (in your spare time).
- no later than a day after sending an application phone them. You must. Most people won't so you will stand out.
- you have good English - I'm not being patronising, it's not perfect but it is good (I have interviewed people from your region) - and that is a skill you can exploit. Target US and British companies and other multi-nationals (because they will operate in English).
- back to your c.v (resume): most people are careless with these. Make yours stand-out. Everything must be nicely lined up (with those hidden tables). The wording must be crisp. Use textual embellishments sparingly. Don't use this exercise as an excuse not to apply to jobs. It may take weeks of research (on ideas etc.) during which you must still send out applications with your existing - but improving - c.v.
- attend business talks, networking events, Toastmasters etc. They probably won't get you an interview but it will help you develop your self-presentation and keep you relaxed amongst others. Oh, and they can be fun too.
- if you can then get some business cards made. You never know into whom you might bump. But if you do meet someone it is essential that you get their card.
- get on LinkedIn. Post full details and a photograph. I got one job after being found on that site.
- GET ON LINKEDIN
- if you can, go for job interviews if only just to get the experience
- remember that it is easier to get a job if you already have a job so that job advert you don't like may be worth going for
- also remember that the first thing that changes in a job is the job description. Often on the first day. This has happened to me so often.
- your people, organisational, project and leadership skills - along with metric tonnes of hard work - will take you much further than any schooling or initial employment position.

And finally, the harder you work the luckier you get so job hunt hard and good luck!"

I hope it was useful.

new blog needed

Somewhere there must be a blog about losing jobs.

But in case there isn't, in my two teams so far:

• some people have been made redundant, or not retained if they come from a supplier
• another person has resigned
• and last week I told a freelancer to leave the office as he was misusing our equipment and network. He will not be coming back.

The last item was particularly annoying and probably involved two man-days of effort.

Look, at non-managerial levels it is pretty easy to keep your job. Here's my handy guide:

• rare exceptions aside get in on-time, don't leave early, don't take long lunches, don't hang outside smoking - if you do smoke: don't.
• do what you are asked and expected to do
• contribute to a pleasant professional environment (I know for some people with anxiety disorders - of whom I've known quite a few - this can be very difficult and I don't know what the answer, or rather possible answers are. I wish I did)

That's it: go in, do the job, keep things pleasant.

There really is no need to:

• spend more than a few minutes looking at the general internet, and that's only when you need a break
• misuse the company's equipment and network. At places where I've worked we've found masses of pirated videos, hard core porn and extreme porn on people's work hard disks. I would imagine that it is not pleasant to tell your wife you've been sacked, just before Christmas, because a human-animal sex video was found on your work computer.

Luck maybe

After a hard week at work I left the office early yesterday.

But that was so I could work from home whilst waiting for someone to read and change the water meter - because that is what they do in Munich.

As I was winding down from work my mobile rang. It was a London agency calling about a project management job in Munich.

I don't really do PM work any more (although I am assisting in setting up a methodology in my company) so I named a very high compensation I would want.

Apparently that was not a problem.

OK, I sent the agent my details.

Which is good because although the job spec in not entirely up my street anymore we should all by now know that job specs that agencies give are rarely related to reality.

Today I read this article on luck.

Rejections are always right

Something I've told myself and others:

"when someone rejects you from a job, they are always right to do so".

They may not be right for the right reasons, but they are still right.

It could be them, their company, or you and how you would fit in. They may be incompetent, even arseholes but they are right.

But unfortunately there is a corollary, "when someone offers you a job, they may not be right".

LinkedIn notification

If you are not in LinkedIn then you should be.

Stop reading this and join now.

Done it?

Right. Carry on reading.

And if you are on LinkedIn you really should promptly respond to agencies which contact you about possible jobs. Especially when you have directly benefited from this. And have mentioned this on your job hunting blog. Yes, that ultimate one. And really, you shouldn't wait two weeks before replying.

Understood?

Query

On Friday, rather fed up, I went to The Enemy (generic term for HR at any company) and asked them about my notice period.

Two months from the end of the current month.

As the cunning plan is to reduce my team from 11 (and really it should be 12) to five people, I see no way that this will work.

I have advised my new VP of IT with nice slides of what we can, or rather will struggle to, do. And what we won't be able to do at all.

Really what I should have done was create a slide with pictures of a horde of zombies and a nuclear explosion in the background. And have it titled "Best case scenario".

Not good week

Last Thursday my Internet access at home died.

I could, of course because it's 2014, use my phone for limited connection but it's not the same.

At work, we are all a bit down.

In fact last Wednesday I told my boss I wanted to take Friday off so I could have a long weekend. I've been working hard for a quite a few months dealing with unpleasant topics and needed a break.

It was short notice but he agreed, probably because he knew that otherwise I would go my doctor and he would unhesitatingly write me off two weeks - a lot of German doctors are like that.

And yesterday he - my boss and CITO - told everyone he had resigned and would leave in a couple of weeks.

Today is the start of the Easter long holiday.

Slowly ...

... coming to an unpleasant realisation.

My group, comprising two teams, has been halved.

Or will be in a couple of months' time.

So during this coming week I have to, with the team managers, work out how we provide a service.

I am not sure we can provide the service the company will require.

And although I may secure more headcount there is a risk that they may have to compensate in other areas. See where this is going?

Today I sent my c.v. to a recruitment consultant I've known for a while.

And I also updated Monster.

A few years ago a friend told me that simply updating Monster generated a lot of interest.

Let's see.

Not a good day

During the bits of the weekend when I wasn't running/drinking/eating or sleeping I updated my c.v.

It's now how I want it to look.

I also updated my details on LinkedIn, not because I am looking for another job, but it's better to be safe and follow the rule "don't leave home without a c.v.".

This morning, as expected, two of my staff were told they would lose their jobs. We're shutting down the offices (one in the Americas, one in APAC) where they work.

These two people are outstanding and it is sad to lose them. They were also sad.

Anyway, they will be with us for at least a couple of months.

When it comes to redundancies, or indeed other forms of termination, it is hard on both sides of the desk - although obviously much harder on the receiving end.

Meanwhile, the company is now much smaller but, when you discount the loss of our largest client, still in growth.

I am safe ... for now.

Weekend

Having installed OneNote on my Mac I haven't  used it in the slightest.

Still pleased it's there though.

This weekend I did, however, spend some time working on my c.v.

Living in Germany I've decided to include a photo. It took a while to put it into the c.v. it a pleasing way (lots of table manipulation).

I do, however, have to update the text as well.

Good news

Having talked with someone senior in the company I reckon my chances of being kept or staying at around 30%.

But a good 30%.

Yesterday I also heard that OneNote is now available on the Mac.

And this morning I downloaded it and got it working.

Deja vu all over again

More thoughts on what's happening.

I remember that I used to work for a small medium size company with one big client and a few little ones.

We lost the big client (which also went in-house), I was made redundant and the company no longer exists.

I'm using google-fu to see if there are any stats on companies that survive loss of their key client.

The panda is worried.

Sinking feeling

A shitty end to a shitty week.

Today we lost our COO - someone for whom I had a lot of respect.

Since I've joined it's been non-stop growth.

Now I've heard that instead of growing our infrastructure I may have to start reducing it.

The panda is sad.

It's time to remember ...

... I've been thinking about the situation at work.

Almost worrying.

But in times like these it's important to remember my favourite White House Chief of Staff, Rahm Emanuel, and his wise words:

"never let a serious crisis go to waste".

Oh oh

Today our biggest client announced that they were terminating the contract with us.

This could be good for us in the long term.

But in the short term ... not so good.

On another note, my personal business cards arrived last week.

They are from moo.com (which I love telling people because of the funny name) and were cheap but good.

I hope I don't need them.

Advisory

This evening I attended a meeting with our company's advisory board.

I didn't have to say much but a couple of the VPs got mauled by the investors (the advisory board consists of VCs who advise the VPs to remember just whose money it is).

Not nice to watch but I suspect they got it easy.

Does, however, temper one's ambition.

Tell them early

Yesterday my boss told me that HR will soon contact the agency which has supplied one of our help desk agents.

We have to downsize a bit, just a little bit, which means going for low-hanging fruit such as freelancers. In his case we aim to end the contract around the middle of February.

It's nothing to do with him: everyone likes him and he is very helpful. I had been hoping that we wouldn't need to do this but the wheels are being set in motion.

So, yesterday (Friday) within an hour of being told I had a quick word with him. I stressed that it was nothing to do with his performance.

Later, I  heard from him direct manager that he was quite upset and would have preferred to have been told on Monday.

Maybe. My thinking was that it was right to tell him as soon as possible. The market always picks up in the New Year and agencies start calling (an agency actually called me on Thursday but I wasn't interested). I thought it would be galling for him to reject an approach - which can even happen at the weekends - and then learn the next day that he should have gone with it.

It's never nice (well, for non-sociopathic people) to give this sort of news but it's worse to receive it so I understand his unhappiness.

You for coffee (?)

Slate.com - bless'em - has the definite answer on whether you should accept a coffee from the interviewer when you are being interviewed in a Starbucks.

And my definitive answer for when you are offered an cream in an ice cream parlour by an interviewer (when you had earlier been told the interview would be held in an office) is to answer with a firm, but polite, "fuck off".

Unless you are applying to work in the ice cream business you know, from my experience, that it will end up being an awful job.

Motiviation

For a website specializing in dick jokes Cracked.com often has interesting articles including this motivational piece, which is impressive even though I don't normally like these things.

Best to read the comments as well, though, for a better perspective.