Write your own title

Do I have to do all the work around here? It gets hard thinking of an appropriate title five days a week so don't expect a new one every day. Got it?

Friday
What was already a good week (10 applications by Thursday) was rounded off by a completely flat Friday. Of the 1,500 or so jobs I reviewed not one was suitable.

Saturday
In the afternoon I had a pint of Bavarian beer then went to the supermarket. Whilst I was there, staggering a bit in the frozen section (I can't drink enough to get a decent tolerance to alcohol), my mobile phone rang.

It was a recruitment agency. They had received my c.v. about some role but had another role which they thought was more suitable. We then spent 15 or so minutes, them in their office, me near the frozen chips, discussing the position.

The role seemed quite suitable. The only issue was salary. It pays less than the minimum I've been seeking. However, it's still well above average UK salaries and a lot more than what I'm earning at the moment (which is in reality a negative figure). As the market improves, maybe their renumeration will improve. Or maybe I'll get headhunted by some well-paying company who won't close down in mysterious circumstances one year later. And it means I won't be sitting where I'm currently sitting which is far from good (especially if you're an urbanite like me).

Quite a few readers may just have died of infarcts, a result of the shock of reading that an agency phoned on a Saturday. Good - that's less competition for me.

Sunday
After speaking with me on Saturday the agency sent me a cover sheet, with various basic details for me to complete. I thought it best to wait until Sunday as by then the Hofbrau beer would have hopefully left my system.

I also did an induction course at the local gym. Although I'm keen to leave this location I guess I shouldn't pfaff around any longer and start going to the gym again.

For an induction course there was a surprising amount of exercise.

Monday (today)
Body hurts.

Whilst I was having breakfast the agency phoned again. They suggested a few changes to my c.v. and covering letter which were uncontroversial (I haven't seen the job spec so they had a much better idea of what the client was seeking).

The agent also stressed that it was important to this client that grammar and spelling was perfect. Having read numerous c.v.s I could sympathise.

A few years back I spent most of the day at a recruitment agency interviewing candidates. It wasn't well organised. The agency would bring a candidate into the interview room and hand me their c.v. at the same time - I didn't get to see the document beforehand.

One candidate interviewed very well. Rather nice, unassuming chap. I actually wrote down that he should receive a second interview (from someone else).

On the train home I got to look at his c.v. Without doubt it is the worst c.v. in the world (not was, it must still be the worst). No grammar, attention to spelling or consistent typefaces. And incredibly arrogant. I showed it to my then girlfriend who found it equally hysterical. So, I decided, after all, that he couldn't have a second interview.

Back to my c.v.:
Although the changes suggested by the agent were uncontroversial and minor it was still very difficult to cramn them all in to my already packed (but neatly laid out) two pages. It took me most of the morning to achieve this. During the call the agent stressed so much about grammar and spelling that I suspected he was hinting at something. So, I asked him if he'd seen any obvious howlers in my c.v. but he said no. But I checked and checked the c.v., spell checked it, grammar checked it, read it out aloud etc. It looked fine.

This evening he phoned and said it looks like the client wants to interview me late Wednesday afternoon. Great. First interview. I'm awaiting confirmation from him.

Deja applice
NB. I know there should be accents on the above but I can't be bothered (they're not very easy to produce on Blogger's on-line editor). I don't know if applice is a real past-tense French verb either. But I also don't care.

The French may be too chicken to attack the fourth largest army in the world, I reckon they'd also be too chicken to take me on for messing with their langauge.

Anyway, a week ago I saw an advert for a suitable job in another county in the UK. I applied and forgot about it.

Today I saw the same advert. I phoned the agency who said they had received my c.v. But they thought that as I don't live near the company I wouldn't be suitable.

Think of a word which ryhmes badly with "twat". How about "twat". That ryhmes badly with "twat".

Twat. I'm more than happy to relocate. In fact I'm quite keen, bordering on the pathologically enthusiastic to get the hell out of this town. I explained this to him, nicely, and he said yes, he'd consider me. He sent me some details and tomorrow (when this wine I'm drinking has left my system) I'll send him some further information.

By the way it was only a few years ago that I learnt what "twat" meant. I'd been using it for decades by then. And it was a female colleague who told me. Well tough, as Ian Cognito said, women shouldn't be offended if they use blokes' swear words to describe their genitals.

Actually it was the same colleague - a very well spoken polite woman - who once related how someone had used the "cunt word". I think she was trying to say "c word" but got carried away. That or it was an incredibly rude word.