Big sigh

This week I didn't apply for any jobs.

As I am still employed I want to find a great, inspiring company and then apply to work there, rather than just find a job.

So, I am racking my brain to think of potential companies.

There are quite a few in Munich but some of them require good German (and I had good German until I joined a German company which only spoke English).

I have to remind myself that I have found five jobs here which did not require any German. And many other non-German speakers have found work here.

How to demotivate your senior managers

Be:

• rude and insulting
• openly condescending

Don't:

• let them explain or question, cut them off if necessary
• listen or show them any respect

Do:

• come up with a strategy which is based on the obvious

But:

• do not be surprised when they tell HR that they have decided to leave the company specifically because of you

Two weeks ago I went to a startup seminar. One of the speakers co-founded a private company which eventually designed and built a rocket which docked with the ISS.

It rubbed in that I can do better things than work for a company where I am suddenly treated like a fucking idiot.

Fortunately the HR head did listen and treated me with respect. As did a (very senior) manager whose advice I asked beforehand. I think I handled it well: I told them I am going to find another job, why this has happened (using the above bullet points) but assured them that I would be as supportive as ever. There was, of course, the caveat that I wouldn't be able to put in so many hours as usual as I need to spend time job hunting.

The truth

My new boss told me that often people leave because of their managers.

He is so not wrong.

That's it

I 

Have

Had 

Enough

More people are leaving.

The second colleague who left (see post below) also, it turns out, went to work with our old CITO.

But even more people are leaving. An alarmingly large number.

The current CITO has retired. Or maybe has been retired. (Note to c-level staff: if you think we are idiots then you are the idiots).

His replacement ... I don't want to write about his replacement.

But I'll write more later.

More hmmm

A few weeks' ago a fellow manager decided to leave. He's going to work with our old CITO.

Today I learnt that another colleague is leaving as well. Has had enough.

Hmmm

In a meeting today with a new c-level person who is rather clever. But not clever enough.

He let slip something which suggests jobs will be going east.

I like curry, but not that much.

This evening I went to a meeting of the American German Business Club - part of my marketing mix when job hunting.

A long time

As it's a new year it means that I have been in this company for 2.5 years.

Doing the same role.

OK, the company has grown a lot, shrunk a bit, and then grown a lot again: basically when I joined it was 100 people strong, a year later it was 400 and now it is 500 strong. With a good global presence.

But, one way or another, I don't tend to stay in companies too long. The longest was 3.5 years.

So, by July I should have been in the company for three years. Unless ...

Praise from boss

There's always some people who need to job hunt. In the sense of needing to be put in a position of looking for another job.

But putting them in that situation can be difficult, very difficult, especially with German employee protection laws which kick in after six months. And there are people who behave well right until they pass this probationary period.

So, here's my suggestion to line managers who need to correct this situation.

Find a fellow manager in another company. That manager agrees to head hunt (easy as you have given their name and contact details) and recruit the problem employee. They make a great offer and take on your problem.

Then, a bit later, certainly before the probationary period is over, they sack them. No reason needs to be given.

You may be obliged to reciprocate.

Reasonable solution to a modern problem?

I described this to my boss who called it "dastardly" ... approvingly I think.

Massive failure

I went to a meetup.com - err - meetup where there were a couple of talks.

One about DevOps and one about software engineering.

They were interesting but would have been more interesting if they were in a language with which I was more familiar - namely English, rather than German.

I followed as best I could but didn't ask any questions.

Although, one question I should have asked was "where is the bottle opener?".

As well as food there was beer - Munich's finest: Augusteiner.

But no bottle opener.

Someone sitting next to me saw me pathetically attack the bottle with a key. He took pity and offered a small bottle opener he had with him.

I now know where I have been going wrong in my life and will get one myself soon.

Another day another grown-up dinner

Although I didn't receive any promotions today I did go to an "executive dinner" from a major supplier.

Does that make me an executive?

Hmmm.

Anyhoo, like the last grown up dinner it was nice.

Unusual

Normally I have to explain what my company does.

This cannot be done in an elevator pitch fashion.

Then I explain that anyway I run their infrastructure.

On Wednesday I went to a business-type meeting organised by meetup.com.

And being cool/lame I took my Surface Pro to write notes.

Whilst eating the person on my left saw the company logo on the laptop, recognised it and told me he knew the company well, including my ex-VP, and had worked with its sister companies.

Then the girl on the right saw the company logo and told me she knew people in the IT department. In fact she gave off quite a few names.

I then talked to a third person who had never heard of us and needed the usual long-winded description of our business and then the short description of what I do.

Grown up

A couple of weeks ago I told a friend that I had had my first grown-up dinner.

"I thought we had grown-up dinners" said the mother of two and business woman. I shook my head.

What had happened was that my boss - VP of IT - had been invited to a security dinner at a very posh restaurant.

As I am nominally involved in security at work he asked the organiser, by email, if his Director of Infrastructure could attend.

So apparently I am now the director of infrastructure.

A few hours later the organiser replied that they would be delighted if his Director of IT came along.

So apparently I am now the director of IT. Two promotions in less than four hours. But no pay rise.

By the time we received this message I had little time to quickly go home and change into something less comfortable: trousers rather than jeans, a dress shirt (but no tie, this 2014) and a blazer.

Then went to Käfer (which means something if you know Munich).

Champagne, a private dining room and good wine and food - good Bavarian food (not a typo).

The conversation was very erudite and was moderated yet in a relaxed way. I tried to hold my own.

And unlike my normal dinners I kept a brake on the alcohol consumption. Well, a bit of a brake.

It was actually a very pleasant evening.

In a couple of weeks' time I will be going to another grown-up dinner from a cloud provider.

Good for the tummy, good for the ego and good for networking.

just a nibble

Recently I was talking to my boss about the general dissatisfaction at work. 

But there is light at the end of the tunnel.

So, as long as there is some hope, I told my boss, I am not looking for another job.

But - and I hope I didn't have to say this - I do get occasional calls.

Like the one I had today.

Although I couldn't talk when they called me - I was sitting next to my boss at the time - I later sent them my c.v.

an entry about moo

Great name for a card company:

"Nice cards Jobhunterwithnoname, where did you get them from?"

"Moo"

I reordered my cards today.

Made a slight change - my name is now in bold. Before - although people said it looked nice - my name was a bit hard to read.

an entry about job hunting

I responded to a comment in my last entry by replying on the writer's own blog - they were looking for advice about job hunting.

It is, of course, very hard to give advice across cultures but this is what I wrote:

"...I am sorry to read about your plight but I know it well as I once had two years' unemployment. Hopefully I am an example of things getting better.

Practical advice is difficult as I don't know the job market too well in your region but here goes:

- set yourself daily objectives, especially looking through online job boards
- set yourself weekly targets, for example mine was five applications per week (which was easier as I am in IT)
- but recognise that whatever target you set isn't always attainable - we all have bad luck weeks
- job hunting and applications should be harder than a full-time job: get up early, job hunt till late
- but take breaks. An hour for lunch and dinner. And take the weekends off.
- you must tailor your c.v. or resume and covering letter for every application you make
- these must be perfect. Read them out aloud (seriously, don't sub-vocalise, ALOUD). 
- use hidden tables for your c.v. so that everything lines up nicely
- yes your applications must be perfect but forgive yourself when you later realise you have made a mistake.
- also forgive yourself for the occasional lapses in discipline during your search (as long as they are occasional)
- the Internet and other distractions are only for rewards or needy breaks after several hours of hunting. Having said that you must have other interests so keep up your food blog (in your spare time).
- no later than a day after sending an application phone them. You must. Most people won't so you will stand out.
- you have good English - I'm not being patronising, it's not perfect but it is good (I have interviewed people from your region) - and that is a skill you can exploit. Target US and British companies and other multi-nationals (because they will operate in English).
- back to your c.v (resume): most people are careless with these. Make yours stand-out. Everything must be nicely lined up (with those hidden tables). The wording must be crisp. Use textual embellishments sparingly. Don't use this exercise as an excuse not to apply to jobs. It may take weeks of research (on ideas etc.) during which you must still send out applications with your existing - but improving - c.v.
- attend business talks, networking events, Toastmasters etc. They probably won't get you an interview but it will help you develop your self-presentation and keep you relaxed amongst others. Oh, and they can be fun too.
- if you can then get some business cards made. You never know into whom you might bump. But if you do meet someone it is essential that you get their card.
- get on LinkedIn. Post full details and a photograph. I got one job after being found on that site.
- GET ON LINKEDIN
- if you can, go for job interviews if only just to get the experience
- remember that it is easier to get a job if you already have a job so that job advert you don't like may be worth going for
- also remember that the first thing that changes in a job is the job description. Often on the first day. This has happened to me so often.
- your people, organisational, project and leadership skills - along with metric tonnes of hard work - will take you much further than any schooling or initial employment position.

And finally, the harder you work the luckier you get so job hunt hard and good luck!"

I hope it was useful.

new blog needed

Somewhere there must be a blog about losing jobs.

But in case there isn't, in my two teams so far:

• some people have been made redundant, or not retained if they come from a supplier
• another person has resigned
• and last week I told a freelancer to leave the office as he was misusing our equipment and network. He will not be coming back.

The last item was particularly annoying and probably involved two man-days of effort.

Look, at non-managerial levels it is pretty easy to keep your job. Here's my handy guide:

• rare exceptions aside get in on-time, don't leave early, don't take long lunches, don't hang outside smoking - if you do smoke: don't.
• do what you are asked and expected to do
• contribute to a pleasant professional environment (I know for some people with anxiety disorders - of whom I've known quite a few - this can be very difficult and I don't know what the answer, or rather possible answers are. I wish I did)

That's it: go in, do the job, keep things pleasant.

There really is no need to:

• spend more than a few minutes looking at the general internet, and that's only when you need a break
• misuse the company's equipment and network. At places where I've worked we've found masses of pirated videos, hard core porn and extreme porn on people's work hard disks. I would imagine that it is not pleasant to tell your wife you've been sacked, just before Christmas, because a human-animal sex video was found on your work computer.

Luck maybe

After a hard week at work I left the office early yesterday.

But that was so I could work from home whilst waiting for someone to read and change the water meter - because that is what they do in Munich.

As I was winding down from work my mobile rang. It was a London agency calling about a project management job in Munich.

I don't really do PM work any more (although I am assisting in setting up a methodology in my company) so I named a very high compensation I would want.

Apparently that was not a problem.

OK, I sent the agent my details.

Which is good because although the job spec in not entirely up my street anymore we should all by now know that job specs that agencies give are rarely related to reality.

Today I read this article on luck.

Rejections are always right

Something I've told myself and others:

"when someone rejects you from a job, they are always right to do so".

They may not be right for the right reasons, but they are still right.

It could be them, their company, or you and how you would fit in. They may be incompetent, even arseholes but they are right.

But unfortunately there is a corollary, "when someone offers you a job, they may not be right".

LinkedIn notification

If you are not in LinkedIn then you should be.

Stop reading this and join now.

Done it?

Right. Carry on reading.

And if you are on LinkedIn you really should promptly respond to agencies which contact you about possible jobs. Especially when you have directly benefited from this. And have mentioned this on your job hunting blog. Yes, that ultimate one. And really, you shouldn't wait two weeks before replying.

Understood?

Query

On Friday, rather fed up, I went to The Enemy (generic term for HR at any company) and asked them about my notice period.

Two months from the end of the current month.

As the cunning plan is to reduce my team from 11 (and really it should be 12) to five people, I see no way that this will work.

I have advised my new VP of IT with nice slides of what we can, or rather will struggle to, do. And what we won't be able to do at all.

Really what I should have done was create a slide with pictures of a horde of zombies and a nuclear explosion in the background. And have it titled "Best case scenario".